A couple weeks ago I saw raw chicken feet at the grocery store, I never knew that sight could make me feel at home. Walking around H-mart (a store with food from different countries) was like being in Thailand. The vegetables, fruit, abundance of fish sauce and oyster sauce, mamaa noodles, it all took me back. It's hard to explain how much I miss Thailand, especially the deep friendships born from adversity and overcoming. I can't explain how it feels like a huge part of me is missing. One that I will never get back, at least not in the way it was before. Yes, Thailand was hard, hot, and hectic. But I had a purpose and I felt (most of the time) like I was doing something worthwhile. Now I frantically study and try to fit into a place where I'm not sure I'll ever fit into again. I feel an extreme confusion of identity, a strange mix between two cultures and lands. Most of the time I feel like crawling into a hole would be a good option for me. I don't know if that is normal for someone in my situation, I realize it's not normal for most people. Honestly, most days I struggle to hold it together. I don't know why and I don't know how to fix it. Now that you have all heard my confession and know that I am indeed crazy, please don't hold it against me. If you think of it though I'd appreciate your prayers.
On that happy note let me share just a few things I'm thankful for here in Colorado.
- beautiful mountains
- fall colors, changing leaves
- crisp snow
- sweet friends (who have been instrumental in providing me with warm jackets...I think they were concerned I would freeze to death) including one of my wonderful roommates from Thailand
- the precious 5 month old boy I look after - who could ask for a better job
- generous friends who are letting me live in their toasty basement :)
- a reliable car (not saying Vente wasn't fantastic 'cuz it was) I am just thankful I don't have to add water everyday to my radiator if I hope to make to my destination
- new music
- talking with my sister every week
