Forever Changed

I'll always remember, actually I probably won't vividly remember for too long in my mind. Yet my heart will remember. My heart will remember the way it falls in love with beautiful broken children who speak a heart language so different from my own. It will always remember why I agree with the statement that "Asia gets in your blood." That walking these dirt roads has forever changed my heart. That seeing two of my students walk by the gates of our school barefoot, with shaved heads, and draped in orange cloth breaks my heart a little more. As the procession of somber monks walk by clutching their neighbor's offerings and one of the little ones exuberantly calls out to me. As I watch three of my students pick a multitude of leaves from a nearby bush so that they can show me the way they can cut the leaf in two by cutting it with their hand. The way the one who really can't do it at all squeals "Teacher" when he finally makes a small cut in the leaf. The way the little boys look at me before and after every time they shoot the basketball just to make sure I'm watching. The way they don't really seem to care that I'm not the same color as them or that I don't always understand what they are saying.

I've seen their faces, I've listened to their stories, I've dried their tears, I've prayed for them, and I will never be the same. Because of the orphans and at-risk children who I've been blessed to teach or work with "I've exchanged the carefree for the pain of God. His heart is heavy with the pain of suffering for the people He created. The people for whom He died. Then sometimes, He gives us a glimpse into His pain. He peels back the corner of His heart to reveal to us His pain. For His people." (I'm sorry I don't know whose quote this is.)

I know that His heart hurts for the boys who become monks to "earn" merit. I know that He hates it when little girls are used. I know that He suffers when children are hurt by those who should be protecting them. I think that what my heart feels is just a twinge of what our Father God feels for these children, He just lets me have a glimpse of how He feels for them. That glimpse is enough to know my life can never, should never, be the same.

Shiny Green Paper

I have a sweet little girl yes I consider her, in a way, mine. She rides to school with us every morning because, well if she doesn't she can't always make it to school. Something to do with a father, who shall we say, "falls short in the parental realm". Anyway, she sticks with us. Last week she didn't have a ride home from school so we took her with us, stopping at a cafe run by a ministry down the road. She got a special treat from us and from one of the people working. She does really well holding her own among people she doesn't understand very well. Although now I do expect her to understand much more English (however, in new circumstances we'll talk with her in Thai to make sure she understands what is happening and why.)

This is background on the girl who spent her early morning at the school picking flowers off a bush as a gift for her teachers. She and another sweet student came to the classroom while I was still getting things set up for the day. They told me to close my eyes and after a minute told me to open them. When I opened them they were standing there looking embarrassed and called out, "Just a minute!" as they ran back out the door. I smiled and continued with my work. They approached a couple minutes later with shy smiles and held out their offering. Some freshly picked flowers wrapped in shiny green paper (paper that I had the day before seen blowing around the schoolyard.) She proceeded to explain that they picked these beautiful flowers and she wasn't sure what to wrap them in but that she was so excited when she found the paper wrapped around a tree trunk. She also excitedly declared that she had cleaned off the bird poop too! I smiled at them and told them that they were so sweet and that the flowers were beautiful. And they were. Who can't help but feel loved with an offering like that. :)