Barbarians

As I've recently returned to the country of my birth, the place that seems so different now to me than it once did, I have to face myself. Sometimes what I've seen seems so far away not even real. Yet, I know more than ever that the pain and suffering and need still exist. It is still my responsibility and joy to do what I can to bring light and hope to those in darkness.

While overseas I read a book called "The Barbarian Way" that I think holds a lot of truth. I'd like to share some quotes that really struck me from this book.

"The safest place to be is in the center of the will of God...I've always had a great disdain for this statement, but I have to admit that this particular context (the diary of Corrie Ten Boom) shows me how far we've strayed from how it must have been understood...Clearly neither of them (Corrie or her sister Betsie) concluded that this expression conveyed a belief that God would keep them from suffering hardship and even death. Betsie's statement was a declaration that to walk in the character of Christ is always the right choice, regardless of outcome or consequence. We have somehow perverted this more primal understanding to a far more civilized one. Instead of finding confidence to live as we should regardless of our circumstances, we have used it as justification to choose the path of least resistance, least difficulty, least sacrifice. Instead of concluding it is best to be wherever God wants us to be, we have decided that wherever it is best for us to be is where God wants us. Actually, God's will for us is less about our comfort than it is about our contribution. God would never choose for us safety at the cost of significance. God created you so that your life would count, not so that you could count the days of your life."

"How have we come to this sanitized view of the faith to which Jesus calls us? Somewhere along the way the movement of Jesus Christ became civilized as Christianity. We created a religion using the name of Jesus Christ and convinced ourselves that God's optimal desire for our lives was to insulate us in a spiritual bubble where we risk nothing, sacrifice nothing, lose nothing, worry about nothing. Yet Jesus' death wasn't to free us from dying, but to free us from the fear of death. Jesus came to liberate us so that we could die up front and then live. Jesus Christ wants to take us to places where only dead men and women can go."

"The original call of Jesus was so simple, so clean, so clear: "Follow Me." He wants us to surrender our lives to Him and follow Him into the unknown. And if it means a life of suffering, hardship, and disappointment, it will be worth it because following Jesus Christ is more powerful and more fulfilling than living with everything in the world minus Him. Have we forgotten this?"

"We resist love to avoid pain and squelch our dreams out of fear of failure. For the Spirit of God to unleash dreams and visions within our souls, we must become free to risk and to fail."

"Anyone who chooses the barbarian way will learn quickly that love and sacrifice cannot be separated. This is perhaps why so many of us who know love fear love. We know that love is not the absence of pain. If anything, love is the promise of pain. No one has loved more deeply than God. Has anyone ever been more betrayed? God would not know suffering if He did not know love. But because He is Love, He chose to suffer on our behalf. Without love there is no glory in suffering."

"The more civilized we seem to become, the more detached from the pain of others we end up finding ourselves. Good needs to be done, but someone else will take care of it. The barbarian revolt tolerates no such abdication of responsibility. Every citizen of the kingdom of God is brought into the heat of the conflict between good and evil. Everyone who swears allegiance to Christ bears responsibility for humanity. The power and force of the barbarian way are that each once who chooses His path must find the courage to jump."

"Jesus leads us into the heart of the dark kingdom, into the soul of what is most evil. He takes us where mankind has chosen to live. He calls us to where the darkness has made those who wander there desperate for light. He leads us as warriors of light to risk our lives for the deliverance of others. Again, our own weapons are love, hope, and faith, and they are our only defense. Yet we above all know that they and only they liberate us and fulfill the deepest longings of our souls."

We all have a choice.

This doesn't mean that we all have to move across the world, not at all. But it does mean that we have to be trusting enough to get up when He calls us and follow where He leads wherever that may be. We need to live in such a way that we aren't seeking our comfort but His glory. Not our safety but His fame. Is our God absolutely loving? For sure. He was loving enough to send Jesus for all of humanity, do you not think He is loving enough to send us for those who don't yet know Him? To be allowed to be an instrument of His love...that is something worth living for and worth thanking Him for. I'm being reminded yet again of the worth of living life for Him only. Sometimes we can think that there is something more important to live for...yet I don't want to get to the end of my life and realize that I traded serving the Lord Almighty for vain idols which didn't profit.

Last Post for this Chapter

Dragon fruit plant

   For my last Saturday in Thailand I got to do something that is fast becoming one of my favorite things. I got to take a truck up a mountain and visit with the villagers at the top. I love that. I love the beauty of the clouds and hills. I love the green of the fields and trees. I love the uncrowded, unpolluted, simplicity of mountain life. I love sitting around on the floor of the huts, salas, and three-sided buildings. I love eating dragon fruit and bananas right off the tree. I love the kindness of villagers, and stopping speak with a woman on her way home from work in the fields with two children in tow. I love the afternoon snack of boiled sticky rice mixed with coconut milk, peanuts, red bananas, and sugar.

   It has been such a privilege to have the opportunity these last few months to meet so many sweet people and get to share life with them, if even for a short time. Uncle, the man we went to visit yesterday is about 70 years old, paralyzed, and alone. He has no relatives, no children, no friends really. He lies on the floor of a shack with three sides. He calls out to those walking past when he is hungry. He has laid without being washed for about four years. On our first visit to care for him we found him surrounded by smelly old clothes and filth. We bathed him, cut his hair, clipped his nails, and changed his clothes and bedding. A sweet co-worker and friend of mine used her nursing skills to assess and care for him. He seemed to be pleased with the outcome and feeling refreshed. A co-worker of ours, native to this village, who had a heart to help this man arranged with the village leaders for a volunteer to come once or twice a week to wash this sweet man and clean his hut.

   This trip was to check on his progress and whether the caregivers were feeling okay with how things were going. Uncle seemed much more engaged this visit. He kept reaching out to hold our hands. He spoke in Shan to our co-worker who translated for us. He said that he was so happy we came back to visit, he said that he feels good but a bit lonely, he doesn't have many visitors. When he heard that we were coming to visit he was very excited. He even asked that we cut his hair again. So, we clipped his toenails, checked for skin break down at pressure points, cut his hair, and smiled often. He delighted in attention, in people who made a special trip up the mountain just to see him. He enjoyed feeling like he mattered to someone in the world. I didn't want to leave him... there... alone. I wonder at his story, where he came from, who he is inside.

   "It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all." At the end of my time in this place, saying goodbye to people dear to my heart I still say, "It is better to have loved." Because we loved...leaving hurts. Because we loved, the thought of not seeing our kids grow up hurts. Because we loved...the tears fall as we say goodbye. The pain means that we loved. However, that love is not lost. It is held in the hearts of everyone who received it. Maybe they won't remember us for long, but hopefully they will remember that they are loved. Maybe that paralyzed man won't remember us cutting his hair, but hopefully he'll remember that someone loved him. Maybe the children we held, taught, and played with will grow up with a knowledge of what love is. No, we haven't lost. We are forever changed for the better by the people we have loved and by the people who have loved us. I will always love them so long.

Please Don't Forget

   "If Partners didn't help us, we wouldn't make it." She told me this as we sat under the green trees in the mountains of northern Thailand. She said it sincerely and with gratitude. She and her husband care for thirty-three children in one of the children's homes that Partners helps support. She has three children of her own and thinks herself old at 33 years of age. The children at this home expressed gratitude for the hygiene supplies we brought yet mostly I think what they appreciate is food. In their homes and villages there is often not enough food for everyone and so they know what it is like to be hungry. Even at this home there is sometimes not quite enough. The children know well how to dig up and find things in the jungle that are good to eat. These are not people who have plenty and who don't really even notice an extra dollar. For these people absolutely every dollar goes to meet a practical need in their lives. Most of them know what life looks like without that help. They give generously of what they have, little though it may be. A statement I heard often was, "We just have a lot to talk to God about." They believe that He is a big God and that He will come through for them...because He always has, through people like Partners who get involved in practical ways in order to show the love of Christ.

   This was a similar story that I heard all over the mountains. A story of not enough, of no opportunity, of hopelessness. Yet for the people I spoke with, knowing the Lord had changed that. The Lord had brought them out of addiction, out of refugee camps, out of despair. They follow Him. They care for others often when it means sacrifice for themselves. A family of five (caring for the 33 children of this home) living off of 5,000 baht ($167) per month decided to split that income with a family of three with a baby on the way. They do this so that the other family has a chance to survive as well. They help meet needs in each other's lives.

   One boy, about 15, is a hard worker, smart, responsible kid. He takes care of others and does more than his share. His parents have told him to his face that they don't care about him. That he's not worth anything to them. This breaks his heart. Who would be strong enough to take that? Yet, he continues on with a good attitude although often in great sadness. I asked what will happen to him when he finishes high school. They said, "Oh, nothing. He has no money, his parents don't care, and he doesn't have the chance to go to school after that. He'll just go back and try to find work." They would help him if they could, but it's impossible for them. What would be so little for someone in the States would mean the world to him. It would open up the world for him. He's not the only one.

   About a month ago three boys from this home who had finished high school showed up in Chiang Mai. They came to woman I was working with and told her, "We have no money, we have nowhere to live, we have no food, and we have no idea what to do. But, we trust God, we want to help our village, we want an education. Is there anyway you can help us?" She did, because she's a generous woman who loves God and wants to be His instrument in anyway she can. She let them stay with her, she fed them, she enrolled them in school, she helped them find a home, she paid their fees. These are the first generation...she can't support them all. How will the rest survive? Who will help them?

 This is the girl's dorm. Above: inside Below: outside

 These are the children who live at the home.

 These are the three bathrooms for the 35 people.

This is their kitchen and dining room. The floor is made out of bamboo and I completely thought I was going to break it. 

   The beautiful, strong, kind caregiver of the 33 told me several times as we were preparing to go, "Don't forget us." "Please pray for us." "Please don't forget us." Somehow they know, that most of the world doesn't know their plight. They know that people who do know often go back to their comfortable homes and forget about the children here and the things they've seen. Lord, please help me never to forget. Please help my heart to always break for the hurting. Please don't let me stand by and do nothing. Please always help me to act in Your love with Your strength.

Sweet Beads

Last week, I was asked to be a translator for a short term team to a children's home. That was mostly because I happened to be the only one available and I enjoy working with kids. However it happened I'm so thankful for the chance to get to be a part of the kids lives for a eight days. We packed our bags and drove the winding road to the middle of nowhere. It also happened to be (in my opinion) the prettiest place I've ever been to. We shared three squatty potties and one bucket shower with twenty four kids and five adults. We met sweet people who have chosen to love these children and work for their freedom. We were blessed by the stories of how the Lord has been working. We were amazed by the children's hard work and skills. We were honored to get to love on them and share in their life.

Early in the week I noticed two boys that I was sure were brothers because their faces were so similar. I noticed the older boy because he had a gentle face and calm manner. He seemed different than the other older boys. It wasn't until later that it was pointed out to me that they also had the same face as one of the farmers who lived in a small shack next to the kitchen. The farmer was deaf and couldn't really communicate easily with others yet he had the same gentle and thoughtful manner as his son. The mom is nowhere to be found, I don't know what happened to her.

On the last night the girls that I had come with shared beads and string with the kids. We did a little lesson about colors and English words and then let the kids make necklaces. I watched the kids wondering how they would enjoy the activity. I thought maybe the girls would enjoy it but the boys would rush through. However, all the kids from the oldest to the youngest boys and girls all spent at least one hour creating masterpieces. They carefully chose each bead and strung them with care. Then the "mom" of the home came over and began to make a necklace with the kids. However, when I saw the sweet farmer dad come and start carefully creating his own jewelry my heart was softened. I realized that these adults who work so hard to create better futures for these kids came from backgrounds more humble than the kids. They've all had to fight to survive. It was the first time any of them had ever had beads and had the chance to make something of their very own. After a bit, the kitchen helper, who lives at the home with her three year old son, joined in the fun. At one point I caught the farmer's eye and he proudly showed me his string of beads and gave me a huge grin.

They don't have much, and what they do have they worked hard for. The kids have planted three large fields, two corn and one rice. They go to school everyday and then come home and work the fields, do homework, play sports, sing, or dance. They are full of life and energy. They really help each other. Several times the older boys would be holding the littlest boy as he slept during the evening worship time. It was beautiful to see the Lord's redeeming work in each of their lives. I pray that their futures are as bright as their smiles.

The Days

Lately I've had a line from an old song from JoDee Messina going through my head.

"These are the days you will remember for the rest of your life."

Thinking back to my students and the road we've journeyed together.

These are the days I remember:

*Drying their tears,
*Driving them to and from school because their mom was busy working and their dad couldn't be bothered,
*Buying them food because their mom was sick and had no money,
*Checking their foreheads for fever and praying with them when they were sick,
*Holding him as he cried after his dad's anger branded a red mark on his face,
*Driving him to the grocery store where his dad worked as a security guard because no one was home to let him in the house,
*Holding their hair out of their faces and rubbing their backs when they had to be sick,
*Sitting after school working on homework and work they weren't able to finish in class,
*Driving him home because he had his bicycle and it was so stormy and the roads were flooding,
*Carrying her through the rising flood water to get her back to her house,
*Taking her to get KFC for her birthday,
*Picking nits out of their hair for hours,
*Spending every spare moment of the day reviewing math facts and giving speed tests,
*Playing tag with them until my bare feet blistered,
*Visiting them in the hospital and bringing stickers,
*Playing bubble gum, bubble gum way too many times,
*Singing along with the one CD in the school van,
*Talking with their parents in the parking lot after school - reporting the good and the bad - hearing about their lives,
*Spending time with them on the weekend eating yogurt and ice cream just so they would know that someone cared,
*Talking with them about right and wrong and praying they'd make good choices,
*Standing in for their mom on Mother's Day,
*Eating lunch together,
*Sitting outside listening to your stories about wild animals,
*Reading Bible stories together...

The list of memories could go on and on.

Today I got to visit my students and it was sweet. I now have new memories of my now fourth grade boy seeing me and having his face light up and running to me to give me a hug. My precious girl proudly telling me "I no have anymore" pointing at her head and speaking about her lice. My boys asking, "Did you go help the kids yet? Are you finished?" Squeals and hugs and smiles. Their stories, speaking in English, holding my hand. How much I miss them. We've been through a lot together... ups and downs... tears and laughter... sickness and health. These kiddos hold a special place in my heart...they always will.

Hope

These children are precious, beautiful, of great value, and left alone in the world. They fight great odds. They fight a strong system, prejudice, hunger, and absolute poverty. Yet these boys are three of the lucky ones. They have a roof over their heads and food in their stomachs. They have been redeemed at least for now. They will have to go back out into the system but hopefully they will arrive there prepared. Prepared with a skill that they can use to earn money to eat, to live. The others aren't so lucky. They sort through trash to find something of value, they collect used water bottles, they beg, they sell cigarettes, they are porters, they do anything they can to survive. Many are trafficked.

Thankfully, right now they don't know how harsh their world is. Although they do know much more than most of us. They are where they are because they were abandoned, because they were orphaned, or because their families gave them up because they can't provide for them. Some of them wandered the sand bank between their home country and the country of their residence with no one to look out for them. Their stories are all very similar.

In spite of this the hope in their eyes is bright. Their smile is contagious. The one on the left repeatedly ran into my open arms just looking for someone to cuddle him. The two boys on the right were fearless. Well, in a sense. We played a game which I really shouldn't admit to seeing as it is a bit dangerous but I couldn't let these kids down. They stood on a desk and I would spin them around the room. Well, some of them wouldn't wait for me to lift them off the desk. They would jump, flail really, into my arms before I spun them. The two the right would leap without looking to see if I was ready or would catch them. One even jumped while I still had the other in my arms. Thankfully, I caught him and held them both. I think they would have climbed onto the roof if I had let them.

 The little girl in this picture was the most pitiful child I think that I've ever seen. She wailed like she was all alone in the world. The first time I heard her crying she was coming towards our little group with tears and snot all down her face. She was covered in dirt with a tattered little white dress. And she wailed. I went to her but she turned away finding comfort only the arms of the girl in the yellow dress. She joined our game, the one where they jumped off the desk. But she would stand there looking terrified of falling off and like she was about to lose her balance. Yet, when I picked her up and twirled her her smile was one of the most beautiful things I've ever seen. Each time when she would make her way onto the desk and gingerly wait her turn as soon as the spinning would begin I got the rarest smile. I've never seen so much hurt, distrust, and pain in the eyes of someone so young. The girl the yellow dress would hold the little girl and comfort her. I don't know if they were related, but she definitely has a heart of compassion.

My time there was short, too short. But the memory of them will remain. I will pray for their country, for their freedom, for their identify, for their faith, for their education, for their daily needs. I will pray that they never lose hope because that is all they really have.

May the words of the "Lady" remind you to do what you can in this fight.

                       “Please use your liberty to promote ours.”

*Currently the children are living in a home/school. They are loved there and are in much better conditions than they were previously. If you would like more information about that project please just let me know.

Rescued

(Dear Lucy and I...this picture has nothing to do with this story
except that we were there together)

Most times I think that I can live on my own, take care of myself, and that I'm fine. However, that was proved untrue today. I was driving my old roommate Lucy to get a smoothie on this super hot summer day when I suddenly saw a huge spider crawling up the by the steering wheel, right next to my leg. Anyone who knows much about me knows that I really truly dislike spiders. I'm quite afraid of them even. If they are small and I have a shoe I'm okay. However, when they are the size of a tennis ball and they are crawling ever nearer to your leg and you are in the middle of driving a hunk of metal I am not okay. All I could think was, "Get out, get out of the car before it touches you!" So I carrended towards the curb even hitting it with the front tire before I put the car in neutral and sprang out. My sweet friend was sitting there all the while going, "What, what!" Thinking that maybe the steering had gone out and I couldn't control the vehicle or that there was a fire in the engine. She was a little annoyed I think when I finally could utter the words, "Spider big spider." However, when she came around and saw the monster she understood why I freaked out. I am so thankful that we weren't driving on a major road or I probably would have crashed much worse than that.

We stood outside the car for probably about 15 minutes trying to find the wretched creature. People slowly drove by staring at the two strange girls who were staring at their parked car with all the doors wide open. Yet, typical for this neighborhood, no one stopped to see if we were okay. Lucy was brave and tried to find the thing. I, however, mostly paced around and made groaning noises. I flatly refused to get back in the car to drive the short distance remaining before we arrived at the restaurant. I told Lucy either we're both walking and leaving this car right here or you are driving and I'm walking. Now, this is especially funny since Lucy is 17 and doesn't have a driver's license. I don't mean that she doesn't have a Thai license, she doesn't have a license at all and hasn't practiced driving in 9 months. She finally agreed that she would drive as long as I was in the car with her. So I curled up in the passenger seat and focused on coaching her through driving our beast. She did an excellent job.

Once at the restaurant I relived the horror of the spider and we decided to get dinner so I would have time to calm down. I tried to determine if I knew every male that walked, rode, or drove by the window and if I could ask them to help me conquer this spider. As we walked back to the car I had to convince myself to be brave and get over the fear since we really didn't know if the spider was still in the car or not. I kept telling Lucy stare at my feet and look for the spider make sure that it isn't crawling over here. She was looking and I was trying to concentrate on driving, but I couldn't I kept looking for the spider too. After we had driven just a little ways from the restarant I saw it climbing up my door! I pulled over quickly (not hitting the curb this time) and told Lucy "I see it!" I hoped out again and Lucy came around to see. Sure enough the thing was sitting there behind the driver's seat. Then I did something quite shameful. I went back to the restaurant to ask for help from a high school freshman boy who had helped me take care of kids in the nursery at church. He walked to the car with me and took a swing at the spider with his shoe. However, the spider did his disappearing act and didn't resurface. We said thanks to the boy and let him get back to his drink at the restaurant. Then we looked at each other. We couldn't get in the car since he was still in there. We couldn't go anywhere. We couldn't get him out. We were feeling quite defeated.

Enter...our heroes. We had stopped across the street from a dorm or a children's home of some sort. There was a woman sitting on the porch watching us. She came out and asked in Thai what was happening. I told her there was a very big spider. She said, "Oh you're scared? Foreigners are always scared of spiders." I told her yes I was definitely a foreigner who was very scared of spiders. I told her where I had last seen the monster and she called to her house full of children to come and help this lady who was freaking out about a spider. So out they came, in all I think about ten kids (there were more in the house) and this one older lady. They started searching in the car, pulling out rugs, moving the seats, and then they got a broom. I think they realized that this strange foreign woman was going to stand there all night unless the issue was resolved.

The woman told me that it wouldn't bite me. I wasn't so sure. She said that foreigners are scared of spiders because spiders bite in their country, but she hasn't ever heard of a spider biting someone in Thailand. I was reminded of how all Thai people are very afraid of caterpillars. Where I come from, kids play with them all the time, but here if they touch you it is extremely painful.

So after at least ten minutes of these boys searching my car one of them spotted it! He tried to catch it with his hands but the lady didn't want him to. After a bit of a struggle between boy and spider the boy eventually flung the spider out of the car. The sweet Thai lady stomped on the creature. Even they were quite surprised at how big the spider was. After we thanked them profusely they all trotted back to their house. I was so thankful to have the problem taken care of so we could go home in peace.

Moral of the story, I cannot take care of myself when it comes to spiders. I need a handful of boys to take care of that for me. I will always be so thankful that they noticed our distress and came and helped. This morning I was reading about loving your neighbor as yourself. They definitely were a pretty good example of that.

What Now?

(My crazy 3rd and 4th grade classes from 2011-2012. I love the expressions on their faces.)

As some of you may have heard there are some changes coming my way. Life recently in fact has been so different than "normal". I've been able to see some of my sweet kiddos since school finished and they still call me teacher, but in truth I'm not. See, the Lord has shown me that right now He has some other things He wants to teach me. I'm not sure which path that is exactly, but I will follow obediently anyway. A wise woman recently told me, "The moment His specific plans for the future will change how you are living, He will reveal them to you." The Lord has been working in my heart and molding it to be what He desires. In fact I even wrote a post last October that is about obedience when you know God has called you. http://www.elenberginthailand.blogspot.com/2011/10/callobedience.html

Right now, as crazy, sudden, or thoughtless as it may seem I know that God is leading. I can't even describe how I know. I won't say that leaving my kids and the school is easy because it's not. The need is still great and I love them deeply. I won't say that leaving not knowing exactly where I'm going is easy. It stretches me far beyond my comfort zone and causes me to rely even more on God. I won't say that living without people I've come to love is easy. It is different and lonely and it broke my heart to say goodbye. But God never said, "Follow me, it's gonna be easy."

I am so thankful because I know He is faithful. I know He will provide. I know that He goes with me. I know His word is true and that He does what He says He will. I am so blessed that He has chosen me to be one of His own. I am so blessed that He allows me to be a part of His work in the world. I can truly say that sometimes I thought what He gave me here in Thailand was too hard. Sometimes I thought it was too much. Sometimes I wondered why me? But now I can clearly see that it has been one of God's sweetest blessings in my life. I can't believe He allowed me to be here, that He taught me, that He carried me, and that He changed me. I am so thankful. If I had the chance to go back to the beginning: before the tears, before the darkness, before the struggles, before the laughter, before the love, before the growth, before I knew what was waiting for me on this side of the world. If I stood at the beginning again and had to choose knowing what was in front of me I wouldn't have done anything differently.

That being said I'm just looking forward, putting one foot in front of the other, and loving God. What now? Only He knows. And I'm okay with that.

Dad We Need You

My children have an obsession with Angry Birds. So, yesterday while waiting for early dismissal for our parent teacher conferences I gave my students angry birds valentines for them to color and give to whoever they wished. I was playing a Proverbs for the Family CD which has different verses from Proverbs and then a song about that proverb. One caught my attention.

“Dad we need you, we need your care, we need you there to always help us through. To show us the way so we’ll all meet in heaven one great day. Dad we just need you. A precious thing a kid can have is a dad who is wise and true. A dad who is kind and fair and always there for you. He listens when you talk, he hears the words you didn’t say, he patches the cuts and lifts you up he is there in every way. We need your strength to keep us safe, we need your hugs and touches too, we always need your wise advice to show us what to do.”

This song struck me because I looked at my five precious 4^th grade students and I realized four of them don’t live with their dad. Then I counted out of my nine 3^rd graders four of them don’t live with their birth fathers and one’s dad isn’t always home. So out of fourteen kids nine of them don’t have solid father figures daily invested in their lives. Some of those kids do have loving dads, they just had to be sent away to go to school and therefore can’t really speak into their children’s lives since they don’t see them often. My heart breaks for these children who have to grow up without a godly father to teach them how to be strong, hard-working, and honest. They are steeped in a culture that says that men drink, smoke, use women, and are lazy. They are immersed in a culture that says being an effeminate man or even becoming a woman is more valuable than being a man.

I looked at my girls and thought about how important it is for them to have a loving dad who protects them, tells them they are beautiful, and that they have great worth. Instead it is more normal for them to have dads who force them to work, who put them in danger, who neglect them.

Later in the afternoon, during the parent teacher conferences I was talking with the dad of one of our students. This is a father who I don't know well, but who I respect for the little I do know about him. I know that he teaches his son right from wrong, he teaches him honesty and respect, and I know that his son respects him. After several minutes of talking we got into some interesting topics. He told me how he was so not happy that his son's only option was to go to a government school and that at that school his son was forced to worship Buddha. (Every government school, as far as I know, has a time of meditation in the morning). He prayed that the Lord would bring a Christian school that his son could learn about God and that he wouldn't be required to serve another god. He views our school as a direct answer to his prayers, several other parents I talked to said that as well.

Then he told me how he came to know the Lord. He said that his life consisted of drinking and smoking everyday along with other not so wholesome activities. His friend invited him to church and the pastor told them that if they wanted to change their lives they needed to pray and ask the Lord to help. So this father prayed asking the Lord to change him, that was on a Sunday. On Monday he didn't want to drink or smoke or live the way he had. His friends all asked him, "What happened? What did you do?" And he told them, "I didn't do anything, I couldn't do it on my own. The Lord changed me." Since that day he has been walking with the Lord and he desires to bring his children up in the truth. His son's Thai name means Peace. Because he has come to know the peace of God.

In watching my children I've seen the obvious gap an absent father leaves and the pain that causes. I've seen good qualities instilled in my children from a godly father. I would never wish for the former for anyone. I'm thankful that the Lord is a Heavenly Father, and I'm thankful that He redeems lives in spite of circumstances. Because of this I know there is hope for each and every student no matter their backgrounds.

This is one of my biggest prayer points for my boys, that they will grow up to be godly men, faithful husbands, and loving dads. I think that is one of the biggest keys to breaking the cycles of poverty and oppression.

What Love Sees

So, hands down one of the sweetest moments happened today at school. Behind our school in a small "shed" lives a family. Last Christmastime when the pink baby blankets started appearing on the clothesline we thought it must be a girl. Shortly after I found out that the wife had given birth to a little boy. He's over a year old now and through the past months we've interacted with him some, but since he has become mobile he now toddles over to our PE class, assembly or recess. At least once a day he's in our arms or we are making faces at him or chasing after him. He is one of the cutest babies. Now, if we put our arms out he'll toddle over to us and put his arms up.

Today, some of us English teachers were sitting at a table outside eating lunch. My roommate went to the noodle shop (where his mom works) and came back with him and a butter/milk sandwich. I was holding him and one of my 3rd grade boys came over and sat down with me. I watched as he gently talked to the baby, rubbed his back, jabbered at him, and had this look and manner that I have never seen on him before. He tried to get the baby to go to him, but he came to me instead and my student said, "He likes Miss Emily." I thought my student would lose interest quickly and go running back to his paper airplanes, but he didn't. He sat next to me and loved on our sweet little friend. After a few minutes the baby reached over and gave my student a big hug. And my sweet little boy gave him a big hug back. My student picked up the baby, who is not too much smaller than him and held him in his arms. He played with him and let him wrinkle up his paper airplane. When the bell rang and it was time for our students to line up my boy hugged the baby and gave him a sweet kiss on the cheek and then ran to line up.

I can't explain to you how precious this was. Precious because of a broken little boy who hasn't had the love of a mommy or daddy. A boy who struggles everyday to not give up, to throw his hands up and say he can't. I am amazed by the love I saw shining in his eyes and by his gentle manner which contrasts deeply with his often harsh attitude. In those minutes I saw hope and I saw the goodness of the Lord.



"Tell me your story, show me your wounds, and I'll show you what love sees when love looks at you. Hand me the pieces broken and bruised, and I'll show you what love sees when love sees you. I see what I made in your mother's womb. I see the day I fell in love with you. I see your tomorrows, nothing left to chance. I see My Father's fingerprints. I see your story, I see My name. Written on every beautiful page. You see the struggle, you see the shame. I see the reason I came. I came for your story, I came for your wounds. To show you what Love sees when I see you. When I see you."
~Mac Powell "When Love Sees You"

I know that Jesus was watching us: dirty baby boy who is growing up in a shed, broken little boy who isn't quite sure that he is loved, and weak teacher whose inadequacies glare... He saw us there around that table and He loved us the way He has since before we were born. We bear His fingerprints and I saw them today in the love in an eight year old's eyes.

Soil...Who Knew

(after school gardening club...boys love that dirt)


Science class with 4th grade on Tuesday was filled with laughter. Mostly because we were talking about worms (because we just started talking about soil) and one of my girl says, "You know you can make medicine from worms." I'm thinking, really? Isn't that interesting. Then we discuss how her parents make medicine from worms, but city worms are no good because they are dirty, they have to be worms from a particular place. Then my other little mountain boy chimes in with a word in Karen that only one of my kids understands. They tried to work out what word he was thinking of (he couldn't remember it in Thai). Eventually we decide that he is talking about snails. His family makes medicine out of snails. I told them if I got sick I would ask them to make me medicine. They laughed and said, "Oh, we don't know how to make it, we just watch our parents." Apparently making the medicine involves squeezing the creatures in question. I'm not sure though because I think this was the point I directed the conversation back to the actual lesson. During that Science lesson I also learned the best way to catch termites for eating. I asked each of my students if they had ever eaten termites. Only one said that they hadn't. Not gonna lie I was a little grossed out. But mostly it was so funny. Anyone walking by would've thought we were crazy.


My favorite part though was when I asked the students what things we might not have if we didn't have soil. They answered, "houses, food, clothes, etc." But then one boy, the one who thinks he isn't as smart or as good as everyone else answered, "Well, if we didn't have dirt then we wouldn't be here because God made us out of dirt." I was amazed, I hadn't ever thought of that application. Then another student responded, "God did make us out of dirt, but He can do anything so He could have made us out of water if He wanted to. Then we'd all live in the sea!" They never do cease to amaze me.

Student Stories

Please take 5 minutes and watch this new video from the School of Promise. It highlights the stories of three of our students and some ways the Lord is working in their lives through the School of Promise.



I'm so thankful to be back after a great trip to the States. I'm blessed to be a part of these kids lives and thank God for how He is working in all of us. I'm glad to be home where we find a gecko in our sugar bottle, we drive down the road all breathing through one jacket to filter the terrible fumes, and where we shut my roommate's fiance in the bathroom with a flip-flop so he could kill a cockroach. Home sweet home. Seriously though, I am so happy to be back. I missed my kiddos, roommates, friends, and crazy life.

Two Worlds

December is here and Christmas is fast approaching. I've traded my skirts and flip-flops for jeans and scarves. I can understand stranger's conversations (don't worry I try not to eavesdrop). There is Christmas music, decorations, and snow. It seems rather surreal. I have to remind myself to stay on the right side of the road. I'm still surprised when people tell me Merry Christmas! I think the grocery store is like an amusement park with all sorts of strange new things to discover, many of which make me laugh out loud. I'm amazed that there is a kitchen gadget for absolutely everything. I'm confused by the lack of fish sauce and rice. I'm enjoying the potatoes and biscuits and of course green chile on just about everything. I'm thankful for the drive-throughs here, but miss the fact that over there they pump the gas at the station. It's so cold I wish they would do that here.

I miss the little voices who chatter away in Thai and the hugs they give. I miss their smiles and quirks. Yet, I am so thankful for the sweet friends on this side of the world, who don't stop loving even though we're far apart. I'm thankful for the time with them and their wise counsel.

These are two very different cultures, styles, places: the Asian and American. Both with their good and bad and both with people I love. I'm thankful for the time I have in both worlds.

Things I Loved About This Week

(Two of our van kids. It takes us about an hour to get to the last kid's home and more often than not there are some sleepy kids.)


Singing with Viirawit in the school van on the way to and from school in the mornings and afternoons. Talking with him about Bible stories, hearing him tell about Abel sacrificing reindeer (I think he just got confused about the English word) ;). Having him tell me he was on blue.


Driving up to Naamfone's house and seeing her standing out on the road waving at me. Having her hugs and her slipping her tiny hand in mine as we go to the bakery store. Working through metric conversion problems in the store just because we could. The way my heart breaks a little when she tells me not to go visit the States, that I'm her big sister and I need to stay.


Visiting our newest first grader in the hospital. I don't like that he was sick, and I don't really like hospitals but I enjoyed the time with him. Reading, coloring, and practicing English. Remembering how when we dropped him off with an older man in a wheelchair last week he was so enthusiastic about waving to us while pushing the wheelchair that he ran the chair into a pole.


Sitting in our little clinic room and praying with my smallest 3rd grader who was feeling sick this week. I asked him if I could pray and he said yes, so I did and when I opened my eyes his were still closed with his little hands folded.


Watching our 4th, 5th, and 6th graders all brushing their teeth together at the outside sink at our school where we wash our hands. The dentist from the local hospital came and said that our children have very poor teeth and so we now require them to brush their teeth after lunch at school. So funny to watch. The older girls squat hiding in the grass and the boys who try to be so tough and manly just can't keep up that image with the toothpaste around their mouth.


When my third graders asked me, "Why don't your parents just come here if you want to see them?"


The chaos that is the school van on the ride home in the afternoons. When there are two girls and one boy shouting math facts, at least three different conversations being passed from the front to the back, me on the phone speaking Thai trying to figure out if we should pull over and pick up Naamfone's brother at school. When I am in the middle of trying to tell Amy something and inserting the word favorite into the sentence just because I saw it on a sticker on her hand and subconsciously said it, making no sense. My boss calling the teacher in the seat next to him on the phone because he was thinking about dropping her off when he actually meant to call his wife. Deciding that pretty much our whole team is crazy.


Hearing my children speak English and wondering "Where in the world did they learn that?" And then realizing, they sound just like me.


Seeing a little boy, who was in our summer school, on the street where we drop off one of our students. Waving to him and having him wave back enthusiastically with a big smile. Please pray that he might come to our school next year.


In the city on the last night of Loy Krathong (a huge Thai holiday) where old monks were grinning from ear to ear and repeatedly almost catching people, trees, and a temple on fire with lanterns with fireworks attached. I actually took off running from him once, and another time collided with a stranger because I was trying to escape from another lantern. We said that we probably could predict which of our boys will be the ones almost catching people on fire when they are 70 years old.


When the water in our house came back on after being out for two days. (I take that back, it's still not really working.)


When one of my students did something against the rules and another of my students told him, "Bad choice." In English.


Teaching our cook/janitor English after school. She is such a sweet and generous woman and I enjoy spending time with her.


Hanging out with our Thai boss who is super funny and always selfless and serving.


Driving the previously mentioned school van because our boss had to take care of his kids while his wife went to Laos. Happening upon Naamfone and her brother on the way to school, stopping on the small street, waiting for Viirawit to freak out and rescue her from a spider, and then heading off to school with an extra passenger. Although it is infinitely more fun being in the back with them.


Being a "coach" during our basketball club after school, trying to remember what I learned about the sport when I was 9. Wondering how my little group of 1st and 2nd graders was going to play knock out because they rarely make a basket even though the one they use that is only about four feet tall.


The fact that we didn't get in a car accident! And our car was only in the shop once this week.


My student who usually gets low scores got the highest grade on our Science quiz this week. It seems to come so naturally to the other kids so I was glad he got a chance to have the best grade. He wasn't just guessing the answers either, who knew refraction of light was something he was going to understand quickly.


Hope you enjoyed a glimpse of our week. :)

Basketball club...
Above: I'm trying to get one of the little girls to not put her head on top of the ball before she tries to pass it.
Below: My third graders playing with Miss Amy

Signs...So Funny

Just for fun...

Please check out the following post on my roommate's blog. It is a hilarious collection of signs that we've seen around Thailand.

http://arambikur.blogspot.com/2011/10/signs.html

Feel free to check out her other posts as well. :)

Sprouting Seeds

I think one of my students is a missionary in the making. Technically, he's Buddhist but he has a soft heart for the Lord and remembers Bible stories better than just about anyone. He reads the Bible during English class and I feel terrible telling him that he needs to put it away and listen. My roommate says I'm persecuting him, and I guess she's right.

Yesterday, halfway done with the after school student drop offs my boy says, "I love God." I said "Oh, yeah?" My roommate who just been talking with him said to ask him why. He said, "Because God made us and called us and He loves us." We then proceeded to talk about the stories of Daniel, Joseph, and Noah. Joseph is his personal favorite. I remember being shocked several weeks ago when I asked my class who Moses was and they stared at me with bewildered looks on their faces. This boy however, raised his hand and was able to tell me in Thai from Moses' birth to the parting of the Red Sea. Now, you have to understand this child rarely listens to me, focuses on anything, or remembers what we've been studying, but he can remember entire Bible stories.

After we'd been talking for awhile he saw a plane passing overhead and made a comment so I asked him if he could go anywhere on a plane where would he go. He said he wouldn't because he wouldn't want to crash. But he decided he'd like to build a big boat. He said he would, "Have people come see, and have pictures, and tell them about Jesus." I asked if I could come see it and he said sure. There might be a second ark in the future. ;)

When we had arrived to the drop off spot he said truly disappointed, "Oh, I wish we weren't here yet, I want to keep talking about Bible stories." I told him to read a new one and we'd talk about it on the next ride home.

This is the same child who three days ago was on "red" which is the lowest rung on our school's discipline ladder. He was unmotivated, not listening, and not putting forth any effort. I was frustrated because we were trying to review a lot of information for the final and he was just not being helpful. We finished and he was still nowhere near done with his work so I sent him to the office with a note asking them to have him finish because we were moving on to Science and I had no patience to keep working with him. He spent all afternoon in the office working with my boss. After school I apologized for not being patient with him and he said, "It's not your fault, I'm sorry, I was on red, I wasn't doing very good." I said, "Well, we are both sorry we'll start again new tomorrow." To which he responded enthusiastically and gave me a high five. I was impressed with a third grader taking that much responsibility for his own actions. He has such a tender heart. Please pray for his development in the faith. Please pray Luke 8:15 for him: "But the seed in the good soil, these are the ones who have heard the word in an honest and good heart, and hold it fast, and bear fruit with perseverance." Please pray that he would not be like the "...rocky soil are those who, when they hear, receive the word with joy; and these have no firm root; they believe for a while, and in time of temptation fall away." Please pray that his faith would not be squashed by his Buddhist family, may they come to believe in the Lord as well.

Call...Obedience

I'm hesitant to try to explain my thoughts of late. Afraid I can't actually make them make sense in verbalizing them. Thoughts of obedience in the hard stuff, of desiring God's will crazy as it may sometimes seem, of common sense and throwing it out the window. Pete Fleming, missionary to Ecuador wrote, "A call is nothing more nor less than obedience to the will of God, as God presses it home to the soul by whatever means He chooses." I think this means that when we know that a certain choice is obedience to God's will, because He has pressed it on our hearts in various ways over the years, that constitutes a call. Rarely do we have a flashing billboard, a 2x4 to the head, or the audible voice of the Lord. But daily as we meet with Him and seek His face He lets us know. At the end of many quiet conversations with Him I can't explain to any human how His voice has turned my heart and helped me choose. Sometimes, we wait for the obvious sign, when God has already given us the quiet word/nudge. Yes, the Lord does command us to wait for Him alone, but when He gives the green light, we better move. We just have to make the first choice to obey and then follow the path of obedience no matter how many twists and turns, how many stops, or detours there may turn out to be.

I think so often God's will sounds crazy to everyone else, sounds irresponsible, sounds illogical. Yet God is above all that, more powerful, and more in control. It sounds impossible and way more than we can handle. And it is. That's the point. He doesn't call superheros, He calls those who in themselves are unqualified and incapable and He takes delight in providing His strength, His wisdom, and His grace.

I think that too often we miss the deeper call of God on our lives because of fear. Fear of what others will think, fear of being unprotected and uncared for, fear of believing that God is good or fear that God might prove to be harsh or cruel. I think within each of us two strong desires battle. One from the flesh for comfort for security and one from the Spirit for more of God and His plans. At least I know this battle has been fought in me. "God is not overly concerned with our comfort" I read those words from a missionary right before I moved to Thailand. I think he was right. There are much much bigger things going on right before our eyes yet we get tangled up in unnecessary worries. I'm not saying this kind of "crazy" obedience is easy...it is not. But it is worth it. I'm absolutely sure that those who have lived this way don't regret it. My fear is that I will consider the cost too high, the way too rough, the risk too great. That I will choose easy and that at the end I will see a wasted life.

May we be the kind of people who live like we truly believe in our faithful God. May we be the kind that follow Him to the ends of the earth. May we come to see that following Him, knowing Him is all that is truly necessary. May we desire Him more than comfort. May we love Him more than ourselves. By His strength and for His glory.

How Could I Ask for More?

"How could I ask for more?"

Those words jumped out at me during our Tuesday night Bible Study and they've been replaying themselves in my head all week. They convict me because I have everything I need, I'm blessed to do the work I do, and the Lord has always taken care of me. In spite of that my selfish heart sometimes says, "If I had this..." "If I was there..."

It's in those moments where He is prompting me to be grateful for what is. To be thankful for every hot afternoon teaching kiddos who are hot and tired and cranky. To be thankful for the hours of planning and writing lessons so that they receive a quality education.

In those moments...

"It's here that I call out,

It's here that I fall down,

It's here that I find out

You are everything I hoped you be.
...
I found You there." ~ Bebo Norman

That's where I find Him. In the midst of everyday. And I am reminded of and overwhelmed by the sense of how there is really nothing more I would ask for.

Sometimes I get a glimpse of Him in the ordinary moments such as when I walk into the kitchen after an encouraging talk about seeking God's will with our 5/6th Grade Thai teacher. As I walk in I see almost our whole team standing in the kitchen talking with each other in two languages smiling and laughing. It smelled like Thanksgiving and I thought of the past two Thanksgivings we've spent together and I knew we really are a family.

Or a moment where my little 3rd grader came running into the cafeteria as I was eating lunch with three of our English staff members. He bounded up to me with his hands full of clay exclaiming, "I found you some!!!" He had heard me asking our 5/6 grade teacher if he would mind helping me find some clay for my science experiment. This precious little boy took it upon himself to find it for me. It required some searching and digging but his perseverance produced the treasure which I was overjoyed about.

There's not enough space on the Internet to share the many moments such as these or the more difficult times which teach me to be grateful for what is and to remind me that there is never any need to ask for more. He is enough. "God meets us on that level- every day's most quiet need. He will have a new word, a new sweetness or a new fellowship to help us press through to victory. And when the thrill of victory dawns upon us, we will whisper, 'O Lord, it wasn't in me. It was your sufficiency for every day's most quiet need."

The Word

She asked me where she should put her brand new still packaged Bible, and I answered. I looked at her face and I knew then, she wasn't really asking where to put it, she was asking for someone to give her permission to be excited about it. She was asking for someone to tell her it was a big deal. So I did. As I held the Bible for her she tore off the plastic with great enthusiasm. As I asked her to find our memory verses I realized that she hasn't ever read a Bible before. This is quite possibly her family's first Bible. She listened as I showed her the Table of Contents and talked about the Old and New Testament. She found Romans and I explained how to find the chapter and verse. Then she found it and started reading, "For all have sinned..." She exclaimed and looked at me so excited that she already knew that verse.

You know, I pray to hunger for God's word, but she puts me to shame. Every day since then she has looked for opportunities to read her Bible. During math she asked me "When can we read the Bible again?" So, we ended math a little early and everyone got out their Bibles (a required textbook for our 4th-6th graders). We practiced finding verses and all of my kids loved it and asked to keep reading. On the ride home she pulled her silver Bible out of her backpack and asked what verses to look up. As we sat surrounded by new Thai books (thanks to a generous church in Australia) she read to me a book with Jesus' parables. As we finished the story there was a Bible reference. She looked at me and said, "Oh! Can I go get my Bible?" She ran upstairs and quickly returned and found the book of Matthew just like I taught her.

Visiting with her mom at the end of the day I told her that her daughter has been so excited about her Bible and had read it virtually non-stop. She smiled and said, "I know, she came home yesterday bursting about her new Bible and read it to me last night."

When she was opening her Bible for the first time some of my other students came in to see what was going on. They saw some of our Bible story books in Thai and English and asked if they could read them. After they read for awhile and I read with my little girl we decided to play catch with a plastic ball. More of our students ventured in and we sat in a circle to play a new game. One of my boys said, "How about we play that we pass the ball around the circle and when Miss Emily says stop, whoever is holding the ball has to say one of our Bible verses." I said, "Good idea," Miss Brittany turned on music and the game began. As the ball stopped the kids would tell the other kid what verse to say and what language to say it in. Miss Brittany stopped the ball on me and the kids said that I should say Romans 6:23 in Thai. I got nervous and asked them all to say it with me. And the sweet children they are, they helped and we all recited it together. They really surprised me with how well they did reciting the verses on their own in both languages.

And I'm so thankful because God's word does not return void. "So will My word be which goes forth from My mouth; it will not return to Me empty, without accomplishing what I desire, and without succeeding in the matter for which I sent it." Isaiah 55:11 I pray that the Lord continues to work in their hearts and that they always love His word.