A Jumble of Thoughts

Wait... I feel like much of life is spent waiting. I must say it is not one of my favorite things. Waiting for answers never is pleasant. I am reminded of the lyrics to a song by Sara Evans. She sings, "But how do you wait for heaven? And who has that much time?" We (some of the English teachers) sat in our "cave" (the really cold room we sit in all day and create curriculum) and were discussing how we feel like we are getting older but not really doing much with our lives. Recently I've been reading about a girl a couple years younger than me who is "Mom" to twelve girls in Africa. When faced with stories like that I just feel so inadequate. On Sunday, one of the best days since moving to Thailand, I was talking with a new missionary friend. She recently arrived and we were sharing struggles and encouraging one another. One thing she said really stuck with me. We were talking about what is "effective" and what is "success." If the school does not work out, did we fail? Was our time here a waste? Who wants to think that they travelled across the world in obedience to God's call and then...failed. She shared about Martin Luther, everyone remembers him and what he did. But, what about the martyrs who no one remembers but who went before Luther and helped pave the way. Did they fail? Did they die in vain? I'm realizing now that no man's success is created in isolation, but is codependent on other workers in God's kingdom. So, we joked that we might need to be "burned at the stake" for the sake of those who will come after us. Is success always tangible? In America we grow up thinking we are valuable because of what we do, what we produce. When you come to a place and work so hard and have nothing to show for it, it is like a slap in the face to American ideals. Maybe, just maybe, God counts success as being faithful. As in obeying His voice, going where He calls, diligently doing what He puts before us, enduring heartache, and praising His name in the face of "failure". Maybe that is really the success we should strive to achieve.

So then, as we wait to discover the future of this project, I put my trust in the Lord. Because, "The Lord is the one who goes ahead of you; He will be with you. He will not fail you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed." Deuteronomy 31:8

• He is with me (even in Hang Dong, Thailand)
• He will not fail (whether the school "fails" or not)
• He will not forsake me (even if I feel others do not understand, He always will)
• I do not have to fear (He will accomplish His plan, even if to me it seems like failure)
• I do not have to be dismayed (If I remain faithful, I will count that as success even if the world says I failed)