I'll always remember, actually I probably won't vividly remember for too long in my mind. Yet my heart will remember. My heart will remember the way it falls in love with beautiful broken children who speak a heart language so different from my own. It will always remember why I agree with the statement that "Asia gets in your blood." That walking these dirt roads has forever changed my heart. That seeing two of my students walk by the gates of our school barefoot, with shaved heads, and draped in orange cloth breaks my heart a little more. As the procession of somber monks walk by clutching their neighbor's offerings and one of the little ones exuberantly calls out to me. As I watch three of my students pick a multitude of leaves from a nearby bush so that they can show me the way they can cut the leaf in two by cutting it with their hand. The way the one who really can't do it at all squeals "Teacher" when he finally makes a small cut in the leaf. The way the little boys look at me before and after every time they shoot the basketball just to make sure I'm watching. The way they don't really seem to care that I'm not the same color as them or that I don't always understand what they are saying.
I've seen their faces, I've listened to their stories, I've dried their tears, I've prayed for them, and I will never be the same. Because of the orphans and at-risk children who I've been blessed to teach or work with "I've exchanged the carefree for the pain of God. His heart is heavy with the pain of suffering for the people He created. The people for whom He died. Then sometimes, He gives us a glimpse into His pain. He peels back the corner of His heart to reveal to us His pain. For His people." (I'm sorry I don't know whose quote this is.)
I know that His heart hurts for the boys who become monks to "earn" merit. I know that He hates it when little girls are used. I know that He suffers when children are hurt by those who should be protecting them. I think that what my heart feels is just a twinge of what our Father God feels for these children, He just lets me have a glimpse of how He feels for them. That glimpse is enough to know my life can never, should never, be the same.
is that the whole summer school group? there's so many!! will some of them go to the school of promise next year?
ReplyDeleteawesome to read of how Thailand (or should i say God?) has changed you and your heart. i'm sure you have changed those you have been in contact with just as much as they have changed you! praying for you dear!
Hey Sarah!
ReplyDeleteWe are actually missing eight kids in the picture above. It felt like a huge group compared to last school year. :)
I have the words you wrote (in a blog or note) on my computer desktop and I read them often. "give love to the ones who can't love at all. give hope to the ones who've got no hope at all stand up for the ones who can't stand at all." I'm fighting to bring love. fighting to give hope.
Their truth helps remind me of why I'm here. Thanks for all your encouragement! Praying for you and your kiddos!
Hi Emily,
ReplyDeleteGood blog. I think you are dead right with your title "Forever Changed". Sheena says once you've seen something, you can't "unsee" it. Whether you like it or not, you will never be the same again. What a privilege we have to see the things we see. May we all respond as God would have us respond.
You are very right about the inability to "unsee" something. What a good reminder about the blessing we have to know the truth. Thank you so much for the gift of seeing that you gave us a the hospital.
ReplyDeleteEmily,
ReplyDeleteWhat a moving post... You write so beautifully, dear friend. Someday you will be a published author, a mother, and continue to be a gentle encourager to everyone around you.
Praying for you "tonight" with love,
Sarah