Dreams...

This last Monday night while at my boss's house for dinner, an interesting topic came up. We were talking about how someone told my boss before he moved out here, "That is so great that you get to fulfill your dreams." We began talking about whether this (our living and working in Thailand) was our dream for our lives. My boss explained his feeling as, "I enjoyed my last job but it was not deeply satisfying. I do not enjoy this job, but it is deeply satisfying knowing that I am doing what God desires." I think that explains it pretty well. This feeling is a little hard to explain, especially without a lot of background information so please do not misunderstand. I do not want this to sound as if we wallow in the fact that we live and serve here, because we know this is something that we do not have to do. We do it because God desires it and we desire to please Him (and He deserves our obedience). I do not want it to sound like self-pity because we are thankful for this opportunity and know that many people, even if their hearts desire it, are not able to move to another country following God's call. I do not want to sound like it is miserable because I love my students and enjoy teaching them. I merely mean to share with you a struggle that I face: desiring God's will no matter what, especially when it is not my "dream" and purposing to obey it when it is revealed. Right now, life over here is a temporary thing - however long God desires - but what about next year and ten years from now? Where is God calling me? I'm learning to believe the following lyrics:

I’m letting go
Of the life I planned for me
And my dreams
Losing control
Of my destiny
Feels like I’m falling and that’s what it’s like to believe
So I’m letting go

This is a giant leap of faith
Trusting and trying to embrace

The fear of the unknown
Beyond my comfort zone
Knowing You are holding me
I’m not afraid

Feels like I’m falling and that’s what it’s like to believe
Feels like I’m falling and this is the life for me

Francesca Battistelli - Letting Go

They're telling me they're concerned for the way I am living
That I'll miss it all why would I think that God is that trusting
I can't explain all the words He has spoken to my heart
Why'd I want him more

I don't regret choosing You
And I'm not ashamed
That it's You who holds my heart

Why do we think if we trust God too much He will fail us
Nothing has come when I chose that it's in me I'd trust
Separate me, You have called out to follow You blindly
I won't fear You're leading me

You have shown my ever wondering heart what love is
What on earth is more important than to have all of you

Barlow Girl - I Don't Regret

After all, this life is not about dreaming up the life I desire and then working towards gaining that life. "I am crucified with Christ: nevertheless I live; yet not I, but Christ liveth in me: and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me, and gave himself up for me." Galatians 2:20 I am learning to live by faith: wherever, whenever, however, and with whoever.

Back to the Monday night conversation for a minute. One person said that they had seen on Facebook a half-marathon that all their friends had run in in the States. This person was feeling a little bummed that they had to miss this (and so much more) and my boss said, "You know Satan is in it when you are jealous other people are running in a half-marathon." At which we all burst out laughing.

This week we have carried on with our lives knowing that this is what we desire: to be transformed to look more like Jesus Christ, however our loving Father may decide to accomplish that goal. Trusting that whatever He calls us to is good and that we are safe forever in His arms.