What Now?

(My crazy 3rd and 4th grade classes from 2011-2012. I love the expressions on their faces.)

As some of you may have heard there are some changes coming my way. Life recently in fact has been so different than "normal". I've been able to see some of my sweet kiddos since school finished and they still call me teacher, but in truth I'm not. See, the Lord has shown me that right now He has some other things He wants to teach me. I'm not sure which path that is exactly, but I will follow obediently anyway. A wise woman recently told me, "The moment His specific plans for the future will change how you are living, He will reveal them to you." The Lord has been working in my heart and molding it to be what He desires. In fact I even wrote a post last October that is about obedience when you know God has called you. http://www.elenberginthailand.blogspot.com/2011/10/callobedience.html

Right now, as crazy, sudden, or thoughtless as it may seem I know that God is leading. I can't even describe how I know. I won't say that leaving my kids and the school is easy because it's not. The need is still great and I love them deeply. I won't say that leaving not knowing exactly where I'm going is easy. It stretches me far beyond my comfort zone and causes me to rely even more on God. I won't say that living without people I've come to love is easy. It is different and lonely and it broke my heart to say goodbye. But God never said, "Follow me, it's gonna be easy."

I am so thankful because I know He is faithful. I know He will provide. I know that He goes with me. I know His word is true and that He does what He says He will. I am so blessed that He has chosen me to be one of His own. I am so blessed that He allows me to be a part of His work in the world. I can truly say that sometimes I thought what He gave me here in Thailand was too hard. Sometimes I thought it was too much. Sometimes I wondered why me? But now I can clearly see that it has been one of God's sweetest blessings in my life. I can't believe He allowed me to be here, that He taught me, that He carried me, and that He changed me. I am so thankful. If I had the chance to go back to the beginning: before the tears, before the darkness, before the struggles, before the laughter, before the love, before the growth, before I knew what was waiting for me on this side of the world. If I stood at the beginning again and had to choose knowing what was in front of me I wouldn't have done anything differently.

That being said I'm just looking forward, putting one foot in front of the other, and loving God. What now? Only He knows. And I'm okay with that.

How Could I Ask for More?

"How could I ask for more?"

Those words jumped out at me during our Tuesday night Bible Study and they've been replaying themselves in my head all week. They convict me because I have everything I need, I'm blessed to do the work I do, and the Lord has always taken care of me. In spite of that my selfish heart sometimes says, "If I had this..." "If I was there..."

It's in those moments where He is prompting me to be grateful for what is. To be thankful for every hot afternoon teaching kiddos who are hot and tired and cranky. To be thankful for the hours of planning and writing lessons so that they receive a quality education.

In those moments...

"It's here that I call out,

It's here that I fall down,

It's here that I find out

You are everything I hoped you be.
...
I found You there." ~ Bebo Norman

That's where I find Him. In the midst of everyday. And I am reminded of and overwhelmed by the sense of how there is really nothing more I would ask for.

Sometimes I get a glimpse of Him in the ordinary moments such as when I walk into the kitchen after an encouraging talk about seeking God's will with our 5/6th Grade Thai teacher. As I walk in I see almost our whole team standing in the kitchen talking with each other in two languages smiling and laughing. It smelled like Thanksgiving and I thought of the past two Thanksgivings we've spent together and I knew we really are a family.

Or a moment where my little 3rd grader came running into the cafeteria as I was eating lunch with three of our English staff members. He bounded up to me with his hands full of clay exclaiming, "I found you some!!!" He had heard me asking our 5/6 grade teacher if he would mind helping me find some clay for my science experiment. This precious little boy took it upon himself to find it for me. It required some searching and digging but his perseverance produced the treasure which I was overjoyed about.

There's not enough space on the Internet to share the many moments such as these or the more difficult times which teach me to be grateful for what is and to remind me that there is never any need to ask for more. He is enough. "God meets us on that level- every day's most quiet need. He will have a new word, a new sweetness or a new fellowship to help us press through to victory. And when the thrill of victory dawns upon us, we will whisper, 'O Lord, it wasn't in me. It was your sufficiency for every day's most quiet need."

The Word

She asked me where she should put her brand new still packaged Bible, and I answered. I looked at her face and I knew then, she wasn't really asking where to put it, she was asking for someone to give her permission to be excited about it. She was asking for someone to tell her it was a big deal. So I did. As I held the Bible for her she tore off the plastic with great enthusiasm. As I asked her to find our memory verses I realized that she hasn't ever read a Bible before. This is quite possibly her family's first Bible. She listened as I showed her the Table of Contents and talked about the Old and New Testament. She found Romans and I explained how to find the chapter and verse. Then she found it and started reading, "For all have sinned..." She exclaimed and looked at me so excited that she already knew that verse.

You know, I pray to hunger for God's word, but she puts me to shame. Every day since then she has looked for opportunities to read her Bible. During math she asked me "When can we read the Bible again?" So, we ended math a little early and everyone got out their Bibles (a required textbook for our 4th-6th graders). We practiced finding verses and all of my kids loved it and asked to keep reading. On the ride home she pulled her silver Bible out of her backpack and asked what verses to look up. As we sat surrounded by new Thai books (thanks to a generous church in Australia) she read to me a book with Jesus' parables. As we finished the story there was a Bible reference. She looked at me and said, "Oh! Can I go get my Bible?" She ran upstairs and quickly returned and found the book of Matthew just like I taught her.

Visiting with her mom at the end of the day I told her that her daughter has been so excited about her Bible and had read it virtually non-stop. She smiled and said, "I know, she came home yesterday bursting about her new Bible and read it to me last night."

When she was opening her Bible for the first time some of my other students came in to see what was going on. They saw some of our Bible story books in Thai and English and asked if they could read them. After they read for awhile and I read with my little girl we decided to play catch with a plastic ball. More of our students ventured in and we sat in a circle to play a new game. One of my boys said, "How about we play that we pass the ball around the circle and when Miss Emily says stop, whoever is holding the ball has to say one of our Bible verses." I said, "Good idea," Miss Brittany turned on music and the game began. As the ball stopped the kids would tell the other kid what verse to say and what language to say it in. Miss Brittany stopped the ball on me and the kids said that I should say Romans 6:23 in Thai. I got nervous and asked them all to say it with me. And the sweet children they are, they helped and we all recited it together. They really surprised me with how well they did reciting the verses on their own in both languages.

And I'm so thankful because God's word does not return void. "So will My word be which goes forth from My mouth; it will not return to Me empty, without accomplishing what I desire, and without succeeding in the matter for which I sent it." Isaiah 55:11 I pray that the Lord continues to work in their hearts and that they always love His word.

Grateful

As I prepared to write this blog post I read a blog by a woman named Ann Voskamp. She had two quotes in her post "When You're Finding It Hard to Be Patient" that jumped out at me.

As I read her words I thought of my fourteen beautiful children who last Thursday drove me up a wall and this Wednesday brought joy to my heart. And I was convicted, "Love is only patient if it's first grateful for what is." In order to be loving and patient toward my kids I must also grateful for each imperfect moment we have. Though I don't always show it I am without a doubt, grateful for the privilege to hear their little voices calling me teacher. I'm so grateful for the abundance of little boys with mood swings because I know the lives they've led. I'm grateful for the little girls who work so hard because I know who they get that work ethic from. I'm grateful for the kids who fight through so much that at school they're doing good to keep a smile on their faces. I can't imagine what it would be like if anyone of them were missing.

Ann Voskamp also said, "Patient people dare to gratefully accept people where they are. Grateful for who they are now, appreciative of works of art not yet finished, but still deeply loved." As I think about each of my little ones that applies perfectly to each of their lives: "works of art not yet finished, but still deeply loved." So in the studio where we work on building our characters, theirs and mine, I must remember to be grateful that I get a chance to be a part of their development. I pray that who we are tomorrow is more like Christ than the people we are today.