Promised Land

The following is written by Holley Gerth, however I felt she beautifully captured something I feel so often.

"It's funny how the biggest, bravest steps in our lives often happen quietly...
When we decide that God's silent whisper is somehow louder than the sound of our heart about to beat out of our chest.When we longingly look back at our comfort zone and say, "I'm going to miss you." When we cross the ocean and burn the ships and we don't yet know what we may find.   

Everyone talks about when the Israelites crossed the Red Sea. But that's not the only time God parted the waters for them. On the edge of the Promised Land, they came to the Jordan river. When the priests stepped into the water then it parted. It always takes a step of faith to get to the Promised Land. Always. And if you wait until you're unafraid, you'll never cross.

Go for your Promised Land, friend.
Let nothing hold you back.
Put your feet into that water and feel the dry ground of God's goodness.
You can do this with Him-one step at a time.
"With God all things are possible.""

I can't tell you how many times my heart has beat this way, so afraid, but I knew whatever He was asking me to do He was going to be with me through it. Most of the time, there was no one else there. We have to make that choice on our own not always knowing what we are going to find. But I can say, even in the hard and challenging times, that He is good. So often we are captivated by fear, we are held back by thoughts of failure. I happen to think that this is one huge way where Satan renders us ineffective. I've spoken with people who heard God's whisper and yet were too afraid to step out. Too afraid to take Him at His word. I'll tell you, at times it is scary, but it has always been worth it. He has never failed me. Not once. He will accomplish His purpose, He will be glorified. Believe Him...and in the midst of fear...walk.

Barbarians

As I've recently returned to the country of my birth, the place that seems so different now to me than it once did, I have to face myself. Sometimes what I've seen seems so far away not even real. Yet, I know more than ever that the pain and suffering and need still exist. It is still my responsibility and joy to do what I can to bring light and hope to those in darkness.

While overseas I read a book called "The Barbarian Way" that I think holds a lot of truth. I'd like to share some quotes that really struck me from this book.

"The safest place to be is in the center of the will of God...I've always had a great disdain for this statement, but I have to admit that this particular context (the diary of Corrie Ten Boom) shows me how far we've strayed from how it must have been understood...Clearly neither of them (Corrie or her sister Betsie) concluded that this expression conveyed a belief that God would keep them from suffering hardship and even death. Betsie's statement was a declaration that to walk in the character of Christ is always the right choice, regardless of outcome or consequence. We have somehow perverted this more primal understanding to a far more civilized one. Instead of finding confidence to live as we should regardless of our circumstances, we have used it as justification to choose the path of least resistance, least difficulty, least sacrifice. Instead of concluding it is best to be wherever God wants us to be, we have decided that wherever it is best for us to be is where God wants us. Actually, God's will for us is less about our comfort than it is about our contribution. God would never choose for us safety at the cost of significance. God created you so that your life would count, not so that you could count the days of your life."

"How have we come to this sanitized view of the faith to which Jesus calls us? Somewhere along the way the movement of Jesus Christ became civilized as Christianity. We created a religion using the name of Jesus Christ and convinced ourselves that God's optimal desire for our lives was to insulate us in a spiritual bubble where we risk nothing, sacrifice nothing, lose nothing, worry about nothing. Yet Jesus' death wasn't to free us from dying, but to free us from the fear of death. Jesus came to liberate us so that we could die up front and then live. Jesus Christ wants to take us to places where only dead men and women can go."

"The original call of Jesus was so simple, so clean, so clear: "Follow Me." He wants us to surrender our lives to Him and follow Him into the unknown. And if it means a life of suffering, hardship, and disappointment, it will be worth it because following Jesus Christ is more powerful and more fulfilling than living with everything in the world minus Him. Have we forgotten this?"

"We resist love to avoid pain and squelch our dreams out of fear of failure. For the Spirit of God to unleash dreams and visions within our souls, we must become free to risk and to fail."

"Anyone who chooses the barbarian way will learn quickly that love and sacrifice cannot be separated. This is perhaps why so many of us who know love fear love. We know that love is not the absence of pain. If anything, love is the promise of pain. No one has loved more deeply than God. Has anyone ever been more betrayed? God would not know suffering if He did not know love. But because He is Love, He chose to suffer on our behalf. Without love there is no glory in suffering."

"The more civilized we seem to become, the more detached from the pain of others we end up finding ourselves. Good needs to be done, but someone else will take care of it. The barbarian revolt tolerates no such abdication of responsibility. Every citizen of the kingdom of God is brought into the heat of the conflict between good and evil. Everyone who swears allegiance to Christ bears responsibility for humanity. The power and force of the barbarian way are that each once who chooses His path must find the courage to jump."

"Jesus leads us into the heart of the dark kingdom, into the soul of what is most evil. He takes us where mankind has chosen to live. He calls us to where the darkness has made those who wander there desperate for light. He leads us as warriors of light to risk our lives for the deliverance of others. Again, our own weapons are love, hope, and faith, and they are our only defense. Yet we above all know that they and only they liberate us and fulfill the deepest longings of our souls."

We all have a choice.

This doesn't mean that we all have to move across the world, not at all. But it does mean that we have to be trusting enough to get up when He calls us and follow where He leads wherever that may be. We need to live in such a way that we aren't seeking our comfort but His glory. Not our safety but His fame. Is our God absolutely loving? For sure. He was loving enough to send Jesus for all of humanity, do you not think He is loving enough to send us for those who don't yet know Him? To be allowed to be an instrument of His love...that is something worth living for and worth thanking Him for. I'm being reminded yet again of the worth of living life for Him only. Sometimes we can think that there is something more important to live for...yet I don't want to get to the end of my life and realize that I traded serving the Lord Almighty for vain idols which didn't profit.

What Now?

(My crazy 3rd and 4th grade classes from 2011-2012. I love the expressions on their faces.)

As some of you may have heard there are some changes coming my way. Life recently in fact has been so different than "normal". I've been able to see some of my sweet kiddos since school finished and they still call me teacher, but in truth I'm not. See, the Lord has shown me that right now He has some other things He wants to teach me. I'm not sure which path that is exactly, but I will follow obediently anyway. A wise woman recently told me, "The moment His specific plans for the future will change how you are living, He will reveal them to you." The Lord has been working in my heart and molding it to be what He desires. In fact I even wrote a post last October that is about obedience when you know God has called you. http://www.elenberginthailand.blogspot.com/2011/10/callobedience.html

Right now, as crazy, sudden, or thoughtless as it may seem I know that God is leading. I can't even describe how I know. I won't say that leaving my kids and the school is easy because it's not. The need is still great and I love them deeply. I won't say that leaving not knowing exactly where I'm going is easy. It stretches me far beyond my comfort zone and causes me to rely even more on God. I won't say that living without people I've come to love is easy. It is different and lonely and it broke my heart to say goodbye. But God never said, "Follow me, it's gonna be easy."

I am so thankful because I know He is faithful. I know He will provide. I know that He goes with me. I know His word is true and that He does what He says He will. I am so blessed that He has chosen me to be one of His own. I am so blessed that He allows me to be a part of His work in the world. I can truly say that sometimes I thought what He gave me here in Thailand was too hard. Sometimes I thought it was too much. Sometimes I wondered why me? But now I can clearly see that it has been one of God's sweetest blessings in my life. I can't believe He allowed me to be here, that He taught me, that He carried me, and that He changed me. I am so thankful. If I had the chance to go back to the beginning: before the tears, before the darkness, before the struggles, before the laughter, before the love, before the growth, before I knew what was waiting for me on this side of the world. If I stood at the beginning again and had to choose knowing what was in front of me I wouldn't have done anything differently.

That being said I'm just looking forward, putting one foot in front of the other, and loving God. What now? Only He knows. And I'm okay with that.

Call...Obedience

I'm hesitant to try to explain my thoughts of late. Afraid I can't actually make them make sense in verbalizing them. Thoughts of obedience in the hard stuff, of desiring God's will crazy as it may sometimes seem, of common sense and throwing it out the window. Pete Fleming, missionary to Ecuador wrote, "A call is nothing more nor less than obedience to the will of God, as God presses it home to the soul by whatever means He chooses." I think this means that when we know that a certain choice is obedience to God's will, because He has pressed it on our hearts in various ways over the years, that constitutes a call. Rarely do we have a flashing billboard, a 2x4 to the head, or the audible voice of the Lord. But daily as we meet with Him and seek His face He lets us know. At the end of many quiet conversations with Him I can't explain to any human how His voice has turned my heart and helped me choose. Sometimes, we wait for the obvious sign, when God has already given us the quiet word/nudge. Yes, the Lord does command us to wait for Him alone, but when He gives the green light, we better move. We just have to make the first choice to obey and then follow the path of obedience no matter how many twists and turns, how many stops, or detours there may turn out to be.

I think so often God's will sounds crazy to everyone else, sounds irresponsible, sounds illogical. Yet God is above all that, more powerful, and more in control. It sounds impossible and way more than we can handle. And it is. That's the point. He doesn't call superheros, He calls those who in themselves are unqualified and incapable and He takes delight in providing His strength, His wisdom, and His grace.

I think that too often we miss the deeper call of God on our lives because of fear. Fear of what others will think, fear of being unprotected and uncared for, fear of believing that God is good or fear that God might prove to be harsh or cruel. I think within each of us two strong desires battle. One from the flesh for comfort for security and one from the Spirit for more of God and His plans. At least I know this battle has been fought in me. "God is not overly concerned with our comfort" I read those words from a missionary right before I moved to Thailand. I think he was right. There are much much bigger things going on right before our eyes yet we get tangled up in unnecessary worries. I'm not saying this kind of "crazy" obedience is easy...it is not. But it is worth it. I'm absolutely sure that those who have lived this way don't regret it. My fear is that I will consider the cost too high, the way too rough, the risk too great. That I will choose easy and that at the end I will see a wasted life.

May we be the kind of people who live like we truly believe in our faithful God. May we be the kind that follow Him to the ends of the earth. May we come to see that following Him, knowing Him is all that is truly necessary. May we desire Him more than comfort. May we love Him more than ourselves. By His strength and for His glory.

Flood of Kindness

Kindness: an expression of God's heart spoken into our daily lives. In the midst of the struggle, in the grit of everyday, through the mist of tears...a light shines through.



Kindness takes many forms and can be seen in the shape of...



Little known friends bumped into in a restaurant who send a special dessert to our table for Valentine's Day.



A Thai principal of our school who takes our car in the middle of the day to get our air con fixed so we can survive the heat.



A thoughtful handwritten letter from a friend in the States.



A roommate who picks up french fries as a special treat for us (because she knows how much I love them) even though she's already had a long busy day.



A man from a ministry down the road who gave up at least six hours to figure out and fix my computer.


Friends from Australia who are here working hard for our school, who have continually bought dinner for us even though we agree that next time will be our turn to pay.


My student and his mother and Khruu Ooy who all dropped what they were doing and came to help us after our car accident.

Our boss's wife giving us Honey Bunches of Oats when she got a two pack for a good price. (Cereal is expensive and so we only eat care package cereal).

Weeks like these when kindness floods over my life I'm reminded of the prayer of a young girl in Africa. A girl who prayed that the Lord would send that afternoon a hot water bottle to keep a motherless newborn alive and a doll for his older sister...just so she would know that God really loved her. Even though the missionary (Helen Roseveare) doubted that the prayer would be answered, she arrived home to find a box from her home country (the first in four years) that against all odds contained a hot water bottle and a doll, sent five months before so that God could answer the young girl's faith filled prayer. God cares about answering the prayers of His people no matter how young and has compassion on us and does wonderful things...just so that we know He loves us.

The cool thing is that we as His people are often allowed to share in His outpouring of love. Sometimes He allows us to be the vessels through which He shows His compassion, kindness, and love. The people mentioned above have shown me this week by their kind actions the nail scarred hands of my Savior and His love.

"It doesn't matter whether I travel 6,000 miles or just twenty minutes from home....What matters is whether the people we meet matter to us as much as they matter to God."

Helen Roseveare

Missing the Mark

Someone once said, "I bet it'd be great to go to a church filled with missionaries." One might think that because we're all here to spread the love of Christ. I mean that's our full time job, that's the desire of our hearts, and that's our call from the Lord. Sadly, we don't always do that very well. We're busy, we're stretched, and we're tired. We daily operate in a language we don't always understand, in a culture that we often feel uncomfortable in, in a country where life doesn't go as expected. Sometimes, we let that get to us. Sometimes, we go to church and don't even speak to anyone else. Sometimes, we talk a bit with the people we know and then leave. Rarely do we open up or reach out. Isn't that awful?

We recently met some people (at said church) who have become fast friends. Such good friends in fact that we spent Christmas day with them, have gone over just to visit, shared dinner, and have taken a day trip in the short time that we've known them. What makes them different? Well, they've said that the bar (the expectations God has) for believers is set high and they claim to be much lower than that level, but in my eyes they are so much closer to that standard than myself and many other Christians I know. They live intentionally, they reach out, they share with anyone who needs some help, they listen, they love you for who you are, they don't condemn, they don't preach, all this while living in a smallish apartment with five kids, one being a brand new baby. They are one of the greatest pictures of the love of Christ I've seen in my life.

They said, "You know, when we were younger, even newly married. People adopted us. They invited us into their homes, they fed us, they loved us. And we remember how much that meant to us and we try to do that to whoever we can, whenever we can." I've been so blessed to be "adopted" into their family for the time they are here. More than that, I hope to live like they do. To have an open heart and open door policy.

Sometimes, I think it gets too easy to get caught up in our own lives and ministries. To consider the things God has blessed me with on this earth as MY time, MY money, MY energy, and MY comfort. This friend said he met a Asian man and when they discovered that they were both believers the other man gave him a big hug. Sadly, to us that might be weird. I mean how many other fellow believers have I met here and I've never done that. These two men realized how great it is to be on the same team. Really, for those of us "missionaries" over here it's crazy that we can meet, have less than mediocre small talk, and then walk away never to remember the other person's face or story. We're here for the same purpose, we face the same struggles, we fight the same attacks, and feel the same sense of loss. Why don't we band together more?

I'm sorry Lord that I daily miss the mark. I'm sorry that often I don't love like You do. I'm sorry that sometimes I don't even try to reach Your standard, that I quit before I begin. I'm sorry for those of us called by Your name who often lose sight of what You've called us to do. I'm sorry that we don't have love for each other, the kind of love that shows us to be Your disciples. I'm sorry when I care more about my worries than about listening to, helping, or loving my brothers and sisters. I'm sorry that I sit in church and then walk out to serve You without even considering the person in the seat next to me. I'm sorry, Lord when I give up the opportunity to talk with others who speak my language because I've gotten so out of practice and I'm scared. I'm sorry for the really terrible excuse for a follower of You that I often am.

Thank you for your never-ending forgiveness. Thank you that I don't have to hit the mark on my own. Thank you for your promise of help and strength. Thank you for grace. Lord, help me to love you more and love others better. May I take the time to reach out to everyone I can when I have opportunity. May others never leave my presence feeling unheard, unloved, or unwanted. Lord, help me by your strength and grace to come much closer to hitting the mark.

Every Moment

Standing at the end of one year and gazing into the next is always a new and exciting time. Somehow it feels like we get a fresh start...at the people we want to be, at the things we want to be our habits, at the possibility of making life go as we think it should.

As we start this new year I've been reminded again of the obvious truth of what Jesus accomplished on the cross. I confess that sometimes I have the mentality that God loves me according to what I do, how good I am, how well I follow Him, what I sacrifice. I have been convicted yet again of how arrogant and how wrong that line of thinking truly is. Standing on the threshold of a new year I'm thankful that the Lord loves me in spite of the fact that I am not who I want to be, that many of the good habits I would like to claim I cannot, and that I cannot control circumstances in my life. I'm so humbled and grateful that He has taken me as I was, as I am, and as I will be. His love doesn't waver based on my goodness, it is grounded in His everlasting and perfect goodness. He has justified me and called me righteous in His eyes...I could never earn that...never in a million years. As the years go by He slowly teaches me how to walk like my Savior. What a gift, knowing that every day of 2011, come what may, His love will be just as strong every single moment.

Why Do You Get Up in the Morning?

At about 2:00am last night in the ER I heard a question that has been rolling around in my mind ever since. It was an unlikely setting and an unexpected question. I was eavesdropping, yes eavesdropping, because when you hear something in English you can't help but listen. Besides that we were sitting in close quarters and doing anything to keep ourselves awake. I heard him ask her, a previous acquaintance of his, "What do you get up for in the morning?" In essence, what do you live for? What in your life is worth pressing on for? She didn't answer immediately and he asked, "Is it just selling your art?" And she answered with just a twinge of defensiveness, "Well, I have my teaching, I teach painting." After that the subject was dropped, but my mind dwelt on that.



What do I get up for in the morning? How would I have answered that question? Would I have said that I live to teach my students? Would I have said that I get up because I have a huge to-do list that needs conquering? Would I have said that I don't really know why I get up...it's just something I have to do? Would I have been brave enough to try to explain the true motivation behind my life...would I have been honest enough to admit that sometimes I lose sight of that truth?



Could I explain how my life was given meaning two thousand years ago when a perfect man who was the Son of God died a sinner's death upon rough wood...and that when He did that He saw me? Could I explain that although I was just as lost as everyone born into this dark world a gracious Savior redeemed my pitiful life. He clothed me in His righteousness...a gift that I could never earn or deserve. Would I have the words to say that I live to know Him...that everyday is an opportunity to walk with Him? That the life He leads me on is an adventure...one that is not always certain but is always secure. That I follow His voice and I turn when He tells me to, that my life is not my own. That I am so thankful I have a higher purpose than myself or my dreams. Would he understand that I'm a bond servant by choice to the King of the universe? That my days, hours, minutes, and seconds are for His glory.



I myself am only beginning to understand these truths and beginning to grasp the blessed fact that nothing in this life is because of my adequacy or power...all of it is by His surpassing power, by His mercy, by His strength. Which is truly good news for me.

Depraved Indifference

These are powerful words...life changing actually.

The Least That's Due

Befriended, befriended by the King above all kings
Surrendered, surrendered to the friend above all friends
Invited, invited deep into this mystery
Delighted, delighted by the wonders I have seen
This will be my story
This will be my song
You’ll always be my Savior, Jesus
You will always have my heart
Astounded, astounded that Your gospel beckoned me
Surrounded, surrounded but I’ve never been so free
Determined, determined now to live this life for You
You're so worthy my greatest gift would be the least You’re due"

This is a beautiful song by Matt Redman and when I heard it last month for the first time, it just about brought me to tears. Especially the line, "You're so worthy my greatest gift would be the least You're due." You know, sometimes I get consumed with the weight of sacrifice or the cost of following Jesus. Well...what I consider weight and cost. Recently, I realized the gift I hold out in shaking arms thinking "Lord this is my everything, this is my all, this is the most I can give" that huge (in my eyes) gift, it's the least He is due. How I owe so much more, how I wish I could give so much more. Yet I know He receives my minuscule gift...my life... and He promises to refine, to purify, and to strengthen it until it is a gift fit for a King. What grace, what love.

In His Steps

Have you ever read the book In His Steps by Charles M. Sheldon? It is the story of the courageous people of a church who take the pledge to not make any decision or take any action for a year without first asking, "What would Jesus do?" And yes, I know the WWJD craze that swept through Christian circles years ago. But seriously, what would happen if the businessmen, teachers, engineers, construction workers in churches seriously made this pledge and stuck to it? One of the main premises of this book is the idea that following Christ should cost something. The idea that many Christians live a life of faith as long as it is convenient to them, as long as it turns a blind eye to their pet sins or somewhat questionable lifestyles or business practices. The question of: if following Christ became inconvenient, if it became painful, if it caused physical material loss...what would you choose? Would you choose to walk away? Or would you choose to walk in His steps?

Sheldon uses 1 Peter 2:21 as the basis for his book. The thought that Jesus is our example and that in doing the right thing He often chose the hard thing, the thing which people did not understand, or the thing for which He was ridiculed. Should our lives not reflect His, as He is our example? "For you have been called for this purpose, since Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example for you to follow in His steps."

The following two quotes from the book have given me much to think about.

"The bishop found his heart sinking within him as he faced this fact: that men would give money who would not think of giving themselves. And the money they gave did not represent any real sacrifice because they did not miss it. They gave what was easiest to give, what hurt them the least. Where did the sacrifice come in? Was this following Jesus? Was this going with Him all the way?"

"...If our definition of being a Christian is simply to enjoy the privileges of worship, be generous at no expense to ourselves, have a good easy time surrounded by pleasant friends and by comfortable things, live respectably, and at the same time avoid the world's great stress of sin and trouble because it is too painful, if this is our definition of Christianity, then surely we are a long way from following the steps of Him who trod the way with tears of anguish for a lost humanity; who sweat as it were great drops of blood; who cried out on the upreared cross, 'My God! My God! Why hast thou forsaken me'?"

The call to follow in Christ's steps is not an easy one, and when I truly examine my own life I see the selfish desire to give, but not to the point where I lack. To serve, but not to the point of exhaustion. To go, but not go to the "worst" places. To love, but not to the point where it breaks my heart. To surrender my will but clench just a little thread of desire in my closed fist. I see how pitiful my efforts really are...and yet I'm reminded that the mighty God who created the universe and holds it together, daily reaches down into my life and meets with me in a personal way. His word says, "The God of peace...equip you in every good thing to do His will, working in us that which is pleasing in His sight, through Jesus Christ, to whom be the glory forever and ever." (Hebrews 13:21) What a relief that it is God who equips and works in us, we just have to step out in obedience to His call to follow in His steps.

I've had to ask myself the following questions this week. Is this step/action/word/choice following the pattern of Jesus or it is at its root selfish? Am I considering the consequences to myself more highly than the heart of Jesus? Am I half-heartedly doing what I know appears right when I know in my heart that God is asking for much more? Do I hesitate to act because I'm concerned for my comfort? Am I like Lot's wife looking back at all I've left not quite willing to face the uncertain future?

Walking daily in Christ's steps requires a brutal honest look at ourselves. It entails absolute, swift obedience. It demands total surrender. It necessitates risk. It bears a high cost. BUT "We count those blessed who endured. You have heard of the endurance of Job and have seen the outcome of the Lord's dealings, that the Lord is full of compassion and merciful." (James 5:11)