Rain and Tears

I'll be honest. This week...wasn't great. Tears came unbidden and irritation got the best of me. I felt overwhelmed and under skilled.

Our days are much like every one's... ordinary, unpredictable, and much more than we can handle. We wrestle with curriculum that despite the best efforts of many just doesn't match. We stumble around with words that just don't make sense. We spend hours planning, preparing and the work just isn't finished. We have hundreds of last minute changes and too much work with not enough hands.

Life is made of the days when I'm just so irritated that our kitchen roof leaks just about everyday, that one thing after another breaks on our car (I'm almost convinced that everytime we take the car to the shop they intentionally break something else so that we have to go back), that the cockroaches enjoy living under our roof. I'm annoyed that I live in a hot humid climate, that it may sound like its raining but it is actually the sound of many termite wings beating against our windows, that our Internet works in short intervals (when it's not too hot) and mocks me the rest of the time. That my students would decide to be crazy the day we have visitors in our classroom. That half the computers in the lab refuse to work as I'm trying to calmly teach a computer class to prove that really things aren't normally this crazy. That I ending up having to have one of the aforementioned visitors write the students scores on the whiteboard as they finished their computer activity every thirty seconds, while another volunteer reviewed flashcards with the half of the class that didn't end up with a computer. Meanwhile I spent most of the class in the hallway with two little rebellious and broken hearts and four eyes with big tears. You get the picture.

Sometimes the challenges of teaching my students, the termites, the floods, and the communication barriers drown out the voice of truth. They make it seem as if absolutely everything is terrible and that it will never get better.

BUT. But, the truth is that...

He whispers that He is my life. My salvation. My joy. My love. My strength.

And just as He graciously gave me salvation He has also granted to me suffering.

I know that heat, gross bugs, and constant challenges in our work do not compare to the suffering of many Christians and especially do not compare to the sufferings of Christ. Yet, for us, right now this is what has been granted to us as a privilege. A privilege for the glory of Christ and for our good.

"To you it has been granted for Christ's sake, not only to believe in Him, but also to suffer for His sake."

The suffering, it's worth it. Why? Because it has been granted to me to believe in Him. Because He has laid hold of me, because He has poured out His blood to give me grace. Because suffering is often His means of spreading His message to the people who are far off. Because He suffered while walking on this earth, and He is our example. Because He loves me enough to die a horrible death to allow me to be His own. His own. As His own I know that what He allows in my life is for a good purpose and that one day He will wipe away all my tears.