What I Learned from the Laminating Machine

I learned that the constant high pitched squeal of the laminator makes my roommate want to do this...

But seriously, today, while laminating sticker sheets for my students' desks to encourage better listening and careful work I made a mistake...I thought. I thought if I just cut off an unused part of the laminating sheet I could save a half a sheet (laminating film is quite the commodity over here). About a half a second later when the paper was all jammed into the whining machine my heart dropped. In trying to save a half a sheet of paper I had ruined the machine. After a confession of my mistake to my kind roommates and my efforts at yanking an extremely hot piece of plastic out of the unyielding jaws of the laminator, I finally succeeded in righting my wrong and I breathed easy once again.

As this happened for some reason my mind made the connection between my obstinate laminator and my obstinate self. Sometimes (or most times if I'm honest) I think I know what is good for my life, I think I know what is best, I think I know how I can serve in the way the Lord desires. And then it comes crashing down around me what I thought would be good actually ends up causing more problems. Mostly because it is centered around myself instead of the Lord. When will I learn to wait on the Lord? When will I learn to follow at His pace? When will I learn to trust that He is faithful, that He loves me, and that His plan is good? I would like this lesson to only appear once (too late for that) and I would like to master it in about an hour (too late for that too). Unfortunately, it doesn't work that way. God takes His time in growing us because He cares how we turn out, and possibly because we struggle a bit in the process. We are His workmanship, the clay in His hands. It is our purpose to submit to His design, to be willing, to be still.

Maybe if I learn to trust and obey I'll make it through the "laminator" of life and end up on the other side useful for the purpose I was created for. I'm so thankful that the Lord's grace covers my sin, my efforts, my mistakes, and my "successes." I'm thankful that it is through His strength and ability I am made into a vessel for His use.

A Day of Rejoicing

This last year in Thailand I discovered something silly that is actually very important to me. I realized it by noticing the fact that it was lacking in our household. Well, we technically had one, but one that was sorely disappointing. As much as a couch, yes a couch, could be disappointing ours certainly was. It was made of a plastic type material which did not breath at all, which when living in Thailand is quite a problem. It had large rips that were duct taped together, it was hard, but worst of all it stank. So, the picture of curling up on the couch for morning devotions, or to read, to watch a movie, or visit with friends just sounded miserable. We ended up sitting on our floor all the time and our couch was turned into a bookshelf.
As, superficial as it is a new couch became an object that we all greatly desired. However, the thought of spending the money to attain our heart's desire was something that we all couldn't really justify. When two of our roommates left for good, the reality of purchasing diminished as the cost went up. (We had looked at couches but just couldn't decide if we needed one or if so which one would be best.) A couch became to us a symbol and an analogy for some of our heart's greatest desires. We would say that someday the Lord would bring us a couch (literally and figuratively). We all have been learning how to put our hearts into God's hands and commit fully, whatever lies ahead. I, for one, sometimes have a hard time trusting God's plans and that He really does know what I desire and need, and not only that but that He grants the desires of our hearts and provides for our needs. Months ago I put the couch situation in God's hands trusting that He saw our desire and that He would answer, although in His time. Recently, I have been challenged to focus on Christ as the all sufficient one, and on the fact that He alone can satisfy my heart's desires.
Upon arriving back in Thailand, the thought and desire for a new couch came up several times. Two days ago I even told my roommate Amy that I thought we should stop by one of the shops on the road to school and ask how much for one of their couch/chair things. OK so enough background story, hopefully you understand where we are coming from.
Two days ago our gate bell (similar to a door bell) rang and I peeked out the front door to see our landlady coming up to the door. Honestly, my first thought was, "Oh, no. She is coming for rent and we don't have the money." (Our boss gives us money for rent each month and we pass it on to her.) I answered the door and greeted her politely. She started out in Thai and I thought that she said she was going to switch the sofa. I asked to clarify and she said that yes our couch was may dii (not good) and so she was going to change it. It was about to storm so we made a plan for her to come back the next day at four. When we pulled up to our house at four o'clock she was standing outside (unusual punctuality for Thai culture) with her husband and two Thai workers. In about fifteen minutes they had removed our gross bookshelf (couch) and replaced it with.......a beautiful, soft, clean, non-smelly couch. Better than I could have hoped for. So this is on the surface meant to share about our great new couch (and kind landlady). But more than that I hope you see answered prayer and that God knows the desires of our hearts, big and small. That while it may not always seem like it God is always working and He knows how to give good gifts to His children because of His extravagant love. May I never forget that in good times or bad with a gross couch or a beautiful one He is the all sufficient one and therefore all I will ever need.

The Steadfast Love

The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases,

His mercies never come to an end,

They are new every morning,

New every morning,

Great is thy faithfulness oh Lord,

Great is thy faithfulness.

On several recent occasions this song has brought tears to my eyes. One being when five Thai children who had been through some of the worst situations I can think of sang this song in Thai as a farewell to their English teacher. I can't even convey in words the sweetness of their voices proclaiming the steadfast love and faithfulness of their God in light of the circumstances of their lives.

The second time this song has caused tears was earlier this week. The last two weeks have been awful, words cannot describe the pain and frustration that overcame virtually our whole team. It was as though we were knocked down in a fight and as we struggled to get up we were hit again and again. Almost all of our deepest hopes were met with painful disappointment. Everyday was a new circumstance that just caused us to say "WHY?"

The battle I have struggled with is believing in who God is more than in what I can see. I can clearly see pain, disappointment, doubts, and fear. But I can not clearly see God as my loving Father and the giver of good gifts. I was reading James 1:2-3 where it is written that we must consider it all joy when we face various trials because the testing of our faith produces endurance. I was thinking about faith as the conviction of truth, the truth that all I am is dependant on Christ. In the midst of these trials that threaten to tear me apart...do I believe that Jesus Christ is good? Do I believe that His love is unending and unfailing? Do I believe that He is faithful to accomplish His good purpose?

In stormy circumstances truth is not always seen and certainly not always felt. However, I am reminded and choose to believe...

The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases,
His mercies never come to an end,
They are new every morning,

New every morning,
Great is thy faithfulness oh Lord,

Great is thy faithfulness.