Forever Changed

I'll always remember, actually I probably won't vividly remember for too long in my mind. Yet my heart will remember. My heart will remember the way it falls in love with beautiful broken children who speak a heart language so different from my own. It will always remember why I agree with the statement that "Asia gets in your blood." That walking these dirt roads has forever changed my heart. That seeing two of my students walk by the gates of our school barefoot, with shaved heads, and draped in orange cloth breaks my heart a little more. As the procession of somber monks walk by clutching their neighbor's offerings and one of the little ones exuberantly calls out to me. As I watch three of my students pick a multitude of leaves from a nearby bush so that they can show me the way they can cut the leaf in two by cutting it with their hand. The way the one who really can't do it at all squeals "Teacher" when he finally makes a small cut in the leaf. The way the little boys look at me before and after every time they shoot the basketball just to make sure I'm watching. The way they don't really seem to care that I'm not the same color as them or that I don't always understand what they are saying.

I've seen their faces, I've listened to their stories, I've dried their tears, I've prayed for them, and I will never be the same. Because of the orphans and at-risk children who I've been blessed to teach or work with "I've exchanged the carefree for the pain of God. His heart is heavy with the pain of suffering for the people He created. The people for whom He died. Then sometimes, He gives us a glimpse into His pain. He peels back the corner of His heart to reveal to us His pain. For His people." (I'm sorry I don't know whose quote this is.)

I know that His heart hurts for the boys who become monks to "earn" merit. I know that He hates it when little girls are used. I know that He suffers when children are hurt by those who should be protecting them. I think that what my heart feels is just a twinge of what our Father God feels for these children, He just lets me have a glimpse of how He feels for them. That glimpse is enough to know my life can never, should never, be the same.

Shiny Green Paper

I have a sweet little girl yes I consider her, in a way, mine. She rides to school with us every morning because, well if she doesn't she can't always make it to school. Something to do with a father, who shall we say, "falls short in the parental realm". Anyway, she sticks with us. Last week she didn't have a ride home from school so we took her with us, stopping at a cafe run by a ministry down the road. She got a special treat from us and from one of the people working. She does really well holding her own among people she doesn't understand very well. Although now I do expect her to understand much more English (however, in new circumstances we'll talk with her in Thai to make sure she understands what is happening and why.)

This is background on the girl who spent her early morning at the school picking flowers off a bush as a gift for her teachers. She and another sweet student came to the classroom while I was still getting things set up for the day. They told me to close my eyes and after a minute told me to open them. When I opened them they were standing there looking embarrassed and called out, "Just a minute!" as they ran back out the door. I smiled and continued with my work. They approached a couple minutes later with shy smiles and held out their offering. Some freshly picked flowers wrapped in shiny green paper (paper that I had the day before seen blowing around the schoolyard.) She proceeded to explain that they picked these beautiful flowers and she wasn't sure what to wrap them in but that she was so excited when she found the paper wrapped around a tree trunk. She also excitedly declared that she had cleaned off the bird poop too! I smiled at them and told them that they were so sweet and that the flowers were beautiful. And they were. Who can't help but feel loved with an offering like that. :)

Introducing...

Teaching summer school has been challenging and tiring yet so good. Let me tell you why. 1) There's Ahm...shows up at school around maybe 7:00 am (an hour and a half before school starts)... about ten to twenty minutes before we get there. I wonder how he gets through the fence and why his guardians don't care that the eight year old child wanders around a empty school early in the morning. I think he has long taken care of himself and decided when he would go where. 2) Then there's Tham...the kid who understand and finishes his work in about one minute. He's fun to talk to because it is easier to see his personality because he understands and is able to respond. He and our class clown Dhun became monks today for about one month to "make merit as usual." They are happy to be doing this for their families. 3) There's the third grade boy First who looks about three years old because he is soooo small. He is smart and animated and is quite vocal when he figures things out. "OHHhhhh!" 4) There's Bim who when he wants to earn a point can be perfect and about any other time prefers to sit with his legs tucked up on his chair and his hands drumming on his table. He's the boy with a bruise on his face and the tendency to throw punches yet who is about as sweet as they come. 5) There's Bami who "Is only five years old" as she likes to tell us when something is hard for her. She likes to have her big sister write her answers for her when I'm not looking. 6) There's Namtaan ("Sugar") who is super quiet and hardly ever says a word. 7) There's Oh Chawng who is just like his big brother quiet, diligent, and smart. 8) There's the five girls who get picked-up up and all try for about fifteen minutes to arrange themselves on one motorcycle. 9) There's Mai who comes and sits by me and chatters. As I'm cutting out a pile of game cards she picks up every piece of paper and runs to throw it in the trash can for me. Such a sweet heart. These are only a handful of the kids that have wiggled into my heart in the past two weeks, funny how they have such a way of doing that, isn't it?

Lessons From Life Lately...

- When you are used to 18 hour flights you will wonder if the plane is crashing when it starts descending after what feels like 15 minutes

- It is best not to get the giggles while smooshed in a public mini-bus with fifteen random Thai men for three hours

- You will find it funny that your current concern is whether or not you can reach the airplane sandwiches stashed in your bag which at this point is not really accessible

- Also, in said vehicle you will be the only ones eating (trying to quietly eat an apple is kinda a vain endeavor)

- Apple juice that squirts on the window does not wipe off discreetly

- The man falling asleep on your roommate will wake up when you and your roommate are laughing and accidentally elbow him

- Although you understand some Thai you will have absolutely have no idea what the driver is saying from all the way up front and you just hope someone knows where in the world you are trying to go

- When nearing Monkey Island on a kayak be prepared to hold tightly to all of your possessions and rapidly row in the opposite direction

- Bring sunblock that did NOT expire 5 years ago

- In the midst of an earthquake the jury is out on how best to respond

- When running a summer school in Thailand be prepared for students to come in days after school has started (a week and a half past the registration deadline) and ask to enroll. They will then, after you tell them it is full, proceed to the two other people on the campus and ask them if they can enroll.

- When faced with a classroom of students whose names are some variation of Bim, Bem, Bam, or Ban calling any of those names doesn't necessarily elicit a response

- Be prepared to respond graciously when you are trying to figure out a student's name and you try to spell it in English and he shows you he does indeed write his name F4

- You will feel silly when you replay in your mind the string of names you've just called, "Ahm, First, Nack, Bim, Bem, Bami, Bim, Film, Ging nung, Oh Chawng, Tham, Jem, Tey..."

- While you are so thankful your car has returned from the shop after over one month of repairs since the car accident, you are not so thrilled that everything that used to work in the car no longer does: including the all important gas gauge (see next lesson)

- When you've run out of gas in the middle of a busy road all you can do is sit and grade papers

- When you are in the midst of being rescued and both the driver seat and the passenger seat break in the space of thirty seconds it is okay to laugh hysterically on the side of the road

- When your roommate insists on climbing the mango tree in your "lawn" (a brick patio) it is your job to stand under the tree and catch the falling mangoes

- When you are still standing at the end of the day it is just one more reason to praise the Lord

Flood of Kindness

Kindness: an expression of God's heart spoken into our daily lives. In the midst of the struggle, in the grit of everyday, through the mist of tears...a light shines through.



Kindness takes many forms and can be seen in the shape of...



Little known friends bumped into in a restaurant who send a special dessert to our table for Valentine's Day.



A Thai principal of our school who takes our car in the middle of the day to get our air con fixed so we can survive the heat.



A thoughtful handwritten letter from a friend in the States.



A roommate who picks up french fries as a special treat for us (because she knows how much I love them) even though she's already had a long busy day.



A man from a ministry down the road who gave up at least six hours to figure out and fix my computer.


Friends from Australia who are here working hard for our school, who have continually bought dinner for us even though we agree that next time will be our turn to pay.


My student and his mother and Khruu Ooy who all dropped what they were doing and came to help us after our car accident.

Our boss's wife giving us Honey Bunches of Oats when she got a two pack for a good price. (Cereal is expensive and so we only eat care package cereal).

Weeks like these when kindness floods over my life I'm reminded of the prayer of a young girl in Africa. A girl who prayed that the Lord would send that afternoon a hot water bottle to keep a motherless newborn alive and a doll for his older sister...just so she would know that God really loved her. Even though the missionary (Helen Roseveare) doubted that the prayer would be answered, she arrived home to find a box from her home country (the first in four years) that against all odds contained a hot water bottle and a doll, sent five months before so that God could answer the young girl's faith filled prayer. God cares about answering the prayers of His people no matter how young and has compassion on us and does wonderful things...just so that we know He loves us.

The cool thing is that we as His people are often allowed to share in His outpouring of love. Sometimes He allows us to be the vessels through which He shows His compassion, kindness, and love. The people mentioned above have shown me this week by their kind actions the nail scarred hands of my Savior and His love.

"It doesn't matter whether I travel 6,000 miles or just twenty minutes from home....What matters is whether the people we meet matter to us as much as they matter to God."

Helen Roseveare

Pray for Their Hearts

One of my students who comes from a Buddhist family who is really trying to discover truth.

The school day started off with our normal prayer time. I asked my kiddos what they wanted to pray for and they answered (all in English by the way) mom and dad, everyone, teachers and students, Somo (one of their classmates who was absent), and a little boy in Africa. Several weeks ago I told my kids about a boy in Africa and everyday since then they've reminded me to pray for him. They often call him my little brother and one of my little girls usually reminds me to pray for his house. I haven't ever really understood why she wants to pray for his house...maybe she is worried that he won't have one. Today someone else brought up praying for his house. I was so surprised when my little boy said in English. "No, not pray for house pray for heart!" I stopped in my tracks and told him that he had such a great point. We really should be praying for his heart. I was surprised that this little boy understood something so important.

Pray for his heart.

That reminds me as well to pray for my kid's hearts. To live with their hearts in the forefront of my mind...not the work I need to do or the things my students still need to learn. It was a reminder to me to slow down and focus on the hearts of all those around me. English is just the reason I've been granted the opportunity to speak to their hearts, to tell them that God loves them, it isn't the main reason why I'm here.

Nothing stops my kids in their tracks more quickly than when I teach them about God. They listen because they want to know. Even at such a young age their hearts are crying out for hope and love. They want to know that they are cared for and protected. During a lesson sharing the gospel using a wordless book given to me by a great friend (with the five colors: yellow = heaven, black = sin, red = Jesus' blood, white = forgiveness, and green = growth in Christ) they listened well and comprehended a lot. To help them understand I also used flannel graph pieces depicting the concepts. When they saw the flannel picture of Jesus on the cross everyone of them stared at it and they all had such sadness in their eyes. I don't think that they understand yet what the cross means for them (I'm still learning myself) so please pray with me that they would understand why he died, the fact that He is alive now and offering life, and that they can chose for themselves how to respond.

Things I Never Thought I'd Say/Hear

(Picture from the market next to our muu baan (neighborhood)...if you look closely you can see the whole chickens lying on the table.)

I've found that living in a foreign country your conversations change. They involve new topics and vocabulary that while at first are so unfamiliar but soon are spoken and understood without a second thought. Here are just a couple examples.

Do you eat blood?

A question I asked in all seriousness to our new English speaking students. The answer to that question determines if they get a typical Thai soup with congealed chicken blood or mixed vegetables for lunch (made for those of us who don't eat blood.)

Where is the Hafif?

Hafif happens to be a particular brand of lice shampoo that has had several uses in our house. Now the question of "Where's the Hafif?" is not an unusual question.

What's that familiar smell?


My roommate asked...a split second later our visitor from South Africa answered...burning trash. And my roommate instantly recognized he was right. However, I can't imagine sitting around in my parent's living room in the States smelling our neighbor's burning trash. And the fact that it is a very common smell is a little bit odd.



Here, have some seaweed and caramel goldfish.

I tell you this country does some strange things to a person's taste buds. Because these are actually a pretty good snack.



Let's go to the noodle shop and buy ice cream.

The fact that there is a typical Thai noodle shop on our school grounds (run by our landlady) is quite convienient. And that they now sell ice cream is pretty awesome for those outrageously hot afternoons after long days of teaching.

Do you want ice cream?

The only reason why this question is funny is because we know to ask it when the dogs in our neighborhood all start howling, howling at the same time. It never fails that about two minutes after their howling begins the ice cream motorcycle drives down our street. It varies as to the time of day that he comes and we can't hear the tune he plays until he drives by our house. However, the dogs must be able to hear him and they feel it their duty to announce his coming.

What does the moon not have?

Well the question wasn't as unusual as the answer...During Science class I asked Jabez what the moon did not have thinking that he would answer with something along the lines of water, light, air (you know the things I had just taught). Instead he looks at me and says, "Turkey?" I couldn't help laughing at his correct but oh so incorrect answer.