Challenges Refugees Face: Language Barriers

           In trying to separate out the challenges refugees face I run into the dilemma that each factor is inextricably linked with the others. I will try to speak of the challenges in categories but feel it is necessary to present a glimpse of the tangled web of issues in order for us to understand just how heavy the combined weight is on the shoulders of a very resilient people who have already fought so hard.

            Imagine for a second that you have found yourself in a grocery store in a foreign country. Nothing looks familiar; the packages all have words from a conglomeration of different languages, none of which you can read. You would really like to ask someone exactly what piece of meat that is supposed to be, but you know that if you open your mouth you will be looked at with confusion and possibly contempt.
            Language is a complicated issue for many refugees; it is not that they are incapable of learning a new language, quite the opposite. Many refugees already speak two or three languages upon their arrival. Refugees usually have a tremendous desire to learn English well, but other things come first. According to the Lutheran Social Services, “The Federal government provides $425 per refugee to cover the costs of housing, household goods, food, and pocket money for the first 30 days. Beyond that, refugees may qualify for other public assistance programs such as Match Grant (an early employment program), TANF, or Refugee Cash Assistance.” This means that in addition to the loan they received to pay for their travel expenses to the United States, they must soon be able to pay for their housing and other needs. Therefore, the first priority that resettlement agencies push is the need for a stable job. Refugees take jobs that do not require proficient language skills in order to pay bills. Unfortunately, this tends to lock them into these types of jobs with little ability to study English for future advancement. I have a refugee friend who, after months of searching, found a job cooking in a Thai restaurant. He worked six days a week from 9am to 9pm, with a short break in the middle. Because he did not have a car or a driver’s license he had to rely on rides from friends or the bus (but the restaurant was thirty minutes away by car and there was not an easy bus route). His opportunity to study English was non-existent because of his efforts to support his family. There is another group of people, usually women, who stay home with children and do not have the ability to study English because of lack of childcare or lack of transportation.
            Lack of proficiency in English manifests its consequences in every area of life. The struggle is felt in jobs, at the hospital, at schools, related to housing and with government services. Refugees face many health appointments in the first few months of their arrival in the United States. Resettlement agencies attempt to provide translators for the first few months of services; however the supply of translators is far too limited for the demand. Because refugees arrive from many countries there is a plethora of languages spoken. Even refugees from the same country often speak completely different languages. For example there are refugees from Burma who are members of different ethnic groups; each ethnic group speaks its own distinct language and may or may not speak the national language. Sometimes people refuse to speak their national language because depending on the situation they escaped from it brings with it too many reminders of their brutal oppressors.  
             One side effect of parents not having the opportunity to learn English is that the burden of translation often falls to their children. Thomas Ginsberg explains in the Philadelphia Inquirer, “As old as immigration itself, interpreting by children can help parents survive but subvert family roles with ulcer-causing pressure. It can edify children but stall adults from learning English. It can relieve community services but exacerbate all kinds of ills, from truancy to medical errors.”It is amazing the burden that refugee children must carry, with sometimes fatal consequences. The effects of children translating cross over into the realm of health care, education, and psychological trauma.
            I can say first-hand that stumbling over how to ask for a glass of water in a new language can be a humiliating experience. As Mary Pipher explains in The Middle of Everywhere, “The intelligence, personality, and energy of new arrivals are submerged by their lack of English.” Educated people are reduced to struggle to express themselves in ways similar to a young child. Pipher also points out that, “Language is connected to both good judgment and to forming relationships. Humans trust or mistrust others on the basis of nuances, tonal variations, and small contradictions.” It is true that it is difficult to correctly read situations without language. It is also true that even when one is able to understand words, without an understanding of the culture comprehension can be out of reach. There were many times in Thailand when I would look at people thinking, “I understand the words you are saying, but I have no idea what you mean.” It is exhausting to constantly live in that foggy state of striving so hard to figure out what is going on.    
            Again imagine fleeing for your life because of persecution and ending up with your children in a new country…working to survive…being misunderstood…Let’s remember that no one likes not being able to speak the language of whatever country they are in and the reasons why some are unable to do so may be more complicated than we are originally able to observe.   
            Next we will take a look at another multi-faceted challenge refugees encounter in the United States…education.  

On These Shores: Refugees in the United States

            Living in Thailand afforded me the opportunity to experience living life in an unfamiliar environment. Moving to a country with no understanding of the language, no car, no friends, and no understanding of the culture proved extremely taxing. However, I soon began to study the language, was able to buy a junker car (with four roommates), build relationships with the Thai staff at my school, and learn from my students and friends different aspects of the culture. The fact that those opportunities were available to me changed my situation; life was often still twice as challenging as it would have been in my own familiar environment but those resources made life livable. It was in reflecting on those experiences that as newly returned to the United States myself, I began to desire to be a part of welcoming refugees.  Refugees are defined as people who because of persecution or a well-founded fear of being persecuted for reasons of race, religion, nationality, membership of a particular social group or political opinion and are unable to, or owing to such fear, is unwilling to avail himself of the protection of that country.

            I carry a burden for refugees because I have been given a glimpse of their confusion, their fear of the unknown. I am reminded of the major differences between my situation and that of refugees. My travel to Thailand was voluntary. Their travel is forced because of war, famine, persecution, etc. I had resources, financial and social. They often leave with next to nothing. I had the choice to leave if or when I so desired. They are not able to go back.

            As I began to meet refugee families in my area I began to see some of the struggles that plague those who seek safety in our nation. I began to see that sometimes a difficult situation is made that much more challenging because of a variety of factors. It is on behalf of my courageous friends, who fight so hard, that I am endeavoring to understand their difficult situation and advocate on their behalf. I will be posting a series of blogs outlining some of the main challenges facing refugees upon their arrival to our shores.

             There are two major biblical truths that make refugee care something all followers of Christ should care about.

            First, I believe it vital to impress upon our minds and hearts the fact that all humans are created in the image of God. The implication of that truth is that all men are equal in the eyes of God and must be treated with equal value. Daniel Groody writes, “When migrants are asked what they find most difficult about their situation, most of them - despite the grueling physical journeys they take - do not talk about the physical hardships but the deeper insults to their human worth. They often say that no suffering is worse than being treated as if they are dogs, as if they are not even human beings, as if they are no one to anyone. The Church cares so much about migration because it believes God cares about those like migrants who are so frequently stripped of their last shreds of God-given human dignity.”

            Second, the people of Israel were given the mission of being a blessing to the nations as they fulfilled the Law within their own community. Part of that Law clearly proclaimed God's heart for the vulnerable, among whom are foreigners. Leviticus 19:33-34 asserts, “When a foreigner resides among you in your land, do not mistreat them. The foreigner residing among you must be treated as your native-born. Love them as yourself, for you were foreigners in Egypt. I am the Lord your God.” This mission of blessing the nations has been passed on to all Christians today and is exemplified by living out the ethic and character of God which still involves care for those foreigners in the land.

            “Refugees live in a divided world, between countries in which they cannot live, and countries which they may not enter.” ~ Caroline Moorehead in Human Cargo

            Refugees live in a precarious position. While some refugees live indefinitely in refugee camps or in countries surrounding their country of origin others are approved to be relocated to third countries. While this approval is surrounded by celebration it is almost always accompanied by great trepidation, since with this huge move people often intensely feel torn away from all they have known in exchange for the many unknowns of their host country. Of these host countries the United States receives the highest number of refugees. Take a look at the following illustrations to see some of the complexity of the process of becoming a refugee and being admitted to the United States.

            According to the Department of Homeland Security Office of Immigration Statistics Annual Flow Report: Refugees and Asylees, in 2012 refugees to the United States were mostly from Bhutan, Burma, Iraq, Somalia, Cuba, Democratic Republic of Congo, Iran, and Eritrea. The top three countries comprised seventy-one percent of the total refugees. In 2012 the states with the highest numbers of refugees were Texas, California, and New York. These statistics have changed somewhat from 2005 when the top five countries of origin were Somalia, Laos, Cuba, Russia, and Liberia. In 2005 the three states with the highest population of refugees were California, Minnesota, and Florida. Over the years we have seen fluctuating numbers of refugees from different countries settling in different states, yet each year there is a significant number of refugees (58,179 in 2012).

            Research is showing that no matter the country of origin or the state in which they settle a majority of refugees face the same set of challenges in adjusting to the United States. Challenges faced by refugees occur in every sphere of life whether social, physical, cultural, spiritual, mental, emotional or any combination of these.

            In the next post we'll take a look at one of the most daunting challenges faced by refugees...

 

                           ภาษา            言語                          idioma                              لغة

Hope for Change

Here is a glimpse of my mind these last months since I again set foot on US soil.

I've wondered...I've cried...I've judged...I've hoped...I've lost hope...I've questioned...I've held on...I've seen with new eyes...I've hurt...I've missed...I've struggled...and now...

I'm ready to hope again.

I'm ready to hope that change is coming and that we will be part of that change.

That we the church will step up. That we will open our eyes. That we will see the world as it truly is, not as the isolated bubble we have made it.

I can't tell you how I've struggled with my faith because the God we teach is not big enough to deal with this world.

With precious toddlers growing up alone on a sand bar between two countries or
girls who are sold as prostitutes by their families or
boys who are abused by the men who adopt them or
children who dig for roots because there is not enough food or
children who never know love or
ones who never get to go to school or
beautiful kids who dig in the trash heap day after day or
ones who grow up in refugee camps or
the ones who run for their lives after seeing their mothers murdered...

I could go on.

The injustices are many. The wounds run deep. The cries are loud.

And then...I see our world...of abundance and safety. Where we see too small and complain too loud.

And I wonder what are we doing? Why do we think that any of this matters?

I read in Amos how God condemns ritualistic worship, lack of social justice, and idolatry. And I see us in those words. I see today's church in those words. I see our idols of wealth, security, happiness, and possessions. Even worse than that I see our worship of "God" the one whom we've created and put in a box. The one who we think is okay with our turning blind eyes to the hurting next door as well as the hurting across the world. The "God" who affirms that our lives should be about pursuing financial stability for ourselves and the accumulation of more. The "God" who never challenges us to question cultural norms (even Christian cultural norms) or speak on behalf of the voiceless. The "God" who would never call us to be uncomfortable or to sacrifice.

I question how our view of God can be so small. I question why we would believe these lies because they are not from the Bible.

Yet, I have hope. That God is changing the American church...that there are those who will live counter culturally in order to shine the light of Christ to a truly hurting world.

I borrow the words of Martin Luther King Jr...

“And I call upon all men of good will to be maladjusted because it may well be the salvation of our world lies in the hands of the maladjusted. So let us be maladjusted, as maladjusted as the prophet Amos, who in the midst of the injustices of his day could cry out in words that echo across the centuries, ‘Let justice run down like waters and righteousness like a mighty stream.”

Maladjusted, no one wants to be called that. Yet, I hope for American believers to become maladjusted. To pursue justice in their everyday lives. To live simply. To give generously. To live gratefully. To live sacrificially. To advocate. To seek biblical truth for the hard issues. To be courageous. To act. To use skills God has given us to fulfill specific needs on behalf of others. To seek friendships with the marginalized. To be stretched. To be willing. To be faithful. To be aware. To engage.

I think if we the church can do that, we will be agents of God's transforming work in the world. In the process we will be transformed as well.

Confession

A couple weeks ago I saw raw chicken feet at the grocery store, I never knew that sight could make me feel at home. Walking around H-mart (a store with food from different countries) was like being in Thailand. The vegetables, fruit, abundance of fish sauce and oyster sauce, mamaa noodles, it all took me back. It's hard to explain how much I miss Thailand, especially the deep friendships born from adversity and overcoming. I can't explain how it feels like a huge part of me is missing. One that I will never get back, at least not in the way it was before. Yes, Thailand was hard, hot, and hectic. But I had a purpose and I felt (most of the time) like I was doing something worthwhile. Now I frantically study and try to fit into a place where I'm not sure I'll ever fit into again. I feel an extreme confusion of identity, a strange mix between two cultures and lands. Most of the time I feel like crawling into a hole would be a good option for me. I don't know if that is normal for someone in my situation, I realize it's not normal for most people. Honestly, most days I struggle to hold it together. I don't know why and I don't know how to fix it. Now that you have all heard my confession and know that I am indeed crazy, please don't hold it against me. If you think of it though I'd appreciate your prayers.

On that happy note let me share just a few things I'm thankful for here in Colorado.

• beautiful mountains
• fall colors, changing leaves
• crisp snow
• sweet friends (who have been instrumental in providing me with warm jackets...I think they were concerned I would freeze to death) including one of my wonderful roommates from Thailand
• the precious 5 month old boy I look after - who could ask for a better job
• generous friends who are letting me live in their toasty basement :)
• a reliable car (not saying Vente wasn't fantastic 'cuz it was) I am just thankful I don't have to add water everyday to my radiator if I hope to make to my destination
• new music
• talking with my sister every week

Unfathomable Love

So far in my time at seminary I've been impressed with one particular overwhelming feeling. Other than the overwhelming feeling of more reading than I think I can possibly accomplish, that is.

Reading through Genesis and Exodus I was impressed with the depravity of humanity. But more than that I saw God more clearly than before. I saw Him clearly in His response toward the fallen people He loves.

• Towards Abraham when he tried to pass Sarah off as his sister, twice
• Ishmael even though he wasn't God's chosen
• Moses even though he killed an Egyptian and tried to get out of being used by God to rescue his people
• Jacob even though he deceived his father
• The Israelites in the wilderness even though they complained and doubted
• And so many others

Then after I began to notice this theme it appeared to be everywhere. One of my professors was explaining the Fall in Genesis. He explained how more than anything it showed the character of God. It was His first response to the rebellion and sin of the people He had created. He set the stage of how our usual understanding of "They heard the sound of the Lord God walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and the man and his wife hid themselves from the presence of the Lord God among the trees of the garden," can actually be understood as God moving in a mighty wind. That makes more sense for a just God right after sin than Him just strolling through the garden. Yet, His first words were not of judgement or condemnation. They were a call, a call to bring His people back into relationship with Him. "Where are you?" An invitation to take a step back towards Him. Then, He gave them a chance to confess their sin. Next, He made provision for them to survive. They do receive the consequences of their sin. No doubt about that, and they did open the door for the presence of sin in all mankind. But God's response to them shows His character in a mighty way. He still loved them. He forgave them. He continued to provide for them. He didn't give them death that they deserved. He knew that death did have to be paid for each of them and for us. He can't allow sin to go unpunished. Yet, He did something none of us would ever do. He gave of Himself, His son to pay our debt. Because He loves us. Because He loved them.

Then as I heard the words to one of my favorite songs this theme of God's unfailing love came again to my mind.

"Nothing can separate
Even if I ran away
Your love never fails

I know I still make mistakes
But You have new mercies for me everyday
Your love never fails

You stay the same through the ages
Your love never changes
There may be pain in the night but joy comes in the morning
[ Lyrics from: http://www.lyricsty.com/jesus-culture-your-love-never-fails-lyrics.html ]
And when the oceans rage
I don't have to be afraid
Because I know that You love me
Your love never fails

The wind is strong and the water's deep
But I'm not alone here in these open seas
Cause Your love never fails

The chasm is far too wide
I never thought I'd reach the other side
But Your love never fails"

We used to listen to this song because it was on our school van's one cd. (Not that I'm complaining...it was a good cd.) :) I remember driving to school with a bunch of kids laughing in the back and a bunch of teachers talking and so many times I was praying "God I don't have strength for today." The words of this song would remind me "And when the oceans rage, I don't have to be afraid, because I know that You love me, Your love never fails." He would sustain me. Now that I'm here with a completely different set of challenges, exhaustion, and fears He again reminds me He stays the same and that His love never changes. It sustained me then and it sustains me now. I stand amazed at the love He has for us. I can't understand His forgiveness, His mercy, and His grace. It is beyond my comprehension. But I know that He treated those in the Bible that way. And I know that is how He sees me. I will never understand...but I will always be grateful.

Promised Land

The following is written by Holley Gerth, however I felt she beautifully captured something I feel so often.

"It's funny how the biggest, bravest steps in our lives often happen quietly...
When we decide that God's silent whisper is somehow louder than the sound of our heart about to beat out of our chest.When we longingly look back at our comfort zone and say, "I'm going to miss you." When we cross the ocean and burn the ships and we don't yet know what we may find.   

Everyone talks about when the Israelites crossed the Red Sea. But that's not the only time God parted the waters for them. On the edge of the Promised Land, they came to the Jordan river. When the priests stepped into the water then it parted. It always takes a step of faith to get to the Promised Land. Always. And if you wait until you're unafraid, you'll never cross.

Go for your Promised Land, friend.
Let nothing hold you back.
Put your feet into that water and feel the dry ground of God's goodness.
You can do this with Him-one step at a time.
"With God all things are possible.""

I can't tell you how many times my heart has beat this way, so afraid, but I knew whatever He was asking me to do He was going to be with me through it. Most of the time, there was no one else there. We have to make that choice on our own not always knowing what we are going to find. But I can say, even in the hard and challenging times, that He is good. So often we are captivated by fear, we are held back by thoughts of failure. I happen to think that this is one huge way where Satan renders us ineffective. I've spoken with people who heard God's whisper and yet were too afraid to step out. Too afraid to take Him at His word. I'll tell you, at times it is scary, but it has always been worth it. He has never failed me. Not once. He will accomplish His purpose, He will be glorified. Believe Him...and in the midst of fear...walk.

Barbarians

As I've recently returned to the country of my birth, the place that seems so different now to me than it once did, I have to face myself. Sometimes what I've seen seems so far away not even real. Yet, I know more than ever that the pain and suffering and need still exist. It is still my responsibility and joy to do what I can to bring light and hope to those in darkness.

While overseas I read a book called "The Barbarian Way" that I think holds a lot of truth. I'd like to share some quotes that really struck me from this book.

"The safest place to be is in the center of the will of God...I've always had a great disdain for this statement, but I have to admit that this particular context (the diary of Corrie Ten Boom) shows me how far we've strayed from how it must have been understood...Clearly neither of them (Corrie or her sister Betsie) concluded that this expression conveyed a belief that God would keep them from suffering hardship and even death. Betsie's statement was a declaration that to walk in the character of Christ is always the right choice, regardless of outcome or consequence. We have somehow perverted this more primal understanding to a far more civilized one. Instead of finding confidence to live as we should regardless of our circumstances, we have used it as justification to choose the path of least resistance, least difficulty, least sacrifice. Instead of concluding it is best to be wherever God wants us to be, we have decided that wherever it is best for us to be is where God wants us. Actually, God's will for us is less about our comfort than it is about our contribution. God would never choose for us safety at the cost of significance. God created you so that your life would count, not so that you could count the days of your life."

"How have we come to this sanitized view of the faith to which Jesus calls us? Somewhere along the way the movement of Jesus Christ became civilized as Christianity. We created a religion using the name of Jesus Christ and convinced ourselves that God's optimal desire for our lives was to insulate us in a spiritual bubble where we risk nothing, sacrifice nothing, lose nothing, worry about nothing. Yet Jesus' death wasn't to free us from dying, but to free us from the fear of death. Jesus came to liberate us so that we could die up front and then live. Jesus Christ wants to take us to places where only dead men and women can go."

"The original call of Jesus was so simple, so clean, so clear: "Follow Me." He wants us to surrender our lives to Him and follow Him into the unknown. And if it means a life of suffering, hardship, and disappointment, it will be worth it because following Jesus Christ is more powerful and more fulfilling than living with everything in the world minus Him. Have we forgotten this?"

"We resist love to avoid pain and squelch our dreams out of fear of failure. For the Spirit of God to unleash dreams and visions within our souls, we must become free to risk and to fail."

"Anyone who chooses the barbarian way will learn quickly that love and sacrifice cannot be separated. This is perhaps why so many of us who know love fear love. We know that love is not the absence of pain. If anything, love is the promise of pain. No one has loved more deeply than God. Has anyone ever been more betrayed? God would not know suffering if He did not know love. But because He is Love, He chose to suffer on our behalf. Without love there is no glory in suffering."

"The more civilized we seem to become, the more detached from the pain of others we end up finding ourselves. Good needs to be done, but someone else will take care of it. The barbarian revolt tolerates no such abdication of responsibility. Every citizen of the kingdom of God is brought into the heat of the conflict between good and evil. Everyone who swears allegiance to Christ bears responsibility for humanity. The power and force of the barbarian way are that each once who chooses His path must find the courage to jump."

"Jesus leads us into the heart of the dark kingdom, into the soul of what is most evil. He takes us where mankind has chosen to live. He calls us to where the darkness has made those who wander there desperate for light. He leads us as warriors of light to risk our lives for the deliverance of others. Again, our own weapons are love, hope, and faith, and they are our only defense. Yet we above all know that they and only they liberate us and fulfill the deepest longings of our souls."

We all have a choice.

This doesn't mean that we all have to move across the world, not at all. But it does mean that we have to be trusting enough to get up when He calls us and follow where He leads wherever that may be. We need to live in such a way that we aren't seeking our comfort but His glory. Not our safety but His fame. Is our God absolutely loving? For sure. He was loving enough to send Jesus for all of humanity, do you not think He is loving enough to send us for those who don't yet know Him? To be allowed to be an instrument of His love...that is something worth living for and worth thanking Him for. I'm being reminded yet again of the worth of living life for Him only. Sometimes we can think that there is something more important to live for...yet I don't want to get to the end of my life and realize that I traded serving the Lord Almighty for vain idols which didn't profit.

Last Post for this Chapter

Dragon fruit plant

   For my last Saturday in Thailand I got to do something that is fast becoming one of my favorite things. I got to take a truck up a mountain and visit with the villagers at the top. I love that. I love the beauty of the clouds and hills. I love the green of the fields and trees. I love the uncrowded, unpolluted, simplicity of mountain life. I love sitting around on the floor of the huts, salas, and three-sided buildings. I love eating dragon fruit and bananas right off the tree. I love the kindness of villagers, and stopping speak with a woman on her way home from work in the fields with two children in tow. I love the afternoon snack of boiled sticky rice mixed with coconut milk, peanuts, red bananas, and sugar.

   It has been such a privilege to have the opportunity these last few months to meet so many sweet people and get to share life with them, if even for a short time. Uncle, the man we went to visit yesterday is about 70 years old, paralyzed, and alone. He has no relatives, no children, no friends really. He lies on the floor of a shack with three sides. He calls out to those walking past when he is hungry. He has laid without being washed for about four years. On our first visit to care for him we found him surrounded by smelly old clothes and filth. We bathed him, cut his hair, clipped his nails, and changed his clothes and bedding. A sweet co-worker and friend of mine used her nursing skills to assess and care for him. He seemed to be pleased with the outcome and feeling refreshed. A co-worker of ours, native to this village, who had a heart to help this man arranged with the village leaders for a volunteer to come once or twice a week to wash this sweet man and clean his hut.

   This trip was to check on his progress and whether the caregivers were feeling okay with how things were going. Uncle seemed much more engaged this visit. He kept reaching out to hold our hands. He spoke in Shan to our co-worker who translated for us. He said that he was so happy we came back to visit, he said that he feels good but a bit lonely, he doesn't have many visitors. When he heard that we were coming to visit he was very excited. He even asked that we cut his hair again. So, we clipped his toenails, checked for skin break down at pressure points, cut his hair, and smiled often. He delighted in attention, in people who made a special trip up the mountain just to see him. He enjoyed feeling like he mattered to someone in the world. I didn't want to leave him... there... alone. I wonder at his story, where he came from, who he is inside.

   "It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all." At the end of my time in this place, saying goodbye to people dear to my heart I still say, "It is better to have loved." Because we loved...leaving hurts. Because we loved, the thought of not seeing our kids grow up hurts. Because we loved...the tears fall as we say goodbye. The pain means that we loved. However, that love is not lost. It is held in the hearts of everyone who received it. Maybe they won't remember us for long, but hopefully they will remember that they are loved. Maybe that paralyzed man won't remember us cutting his hair, but hopefully he'll remember that someone loved him. Maybe the children we held, taught, and played with will grow up with a knowledge of what love is. No, we haven't lost. We are forever changed for the better by the people we have loved and by the people who have loved us. I will always love them so long.

Please Don't Forget

   "If Partners didn't help us, we wouldn't make it." She told me this as we sat under the green trees in the mountains of northern Thailand. She said it sincerely and with gratitude. She and her husband care for thirty-three children in one of the children's homes that Partners helps support. She has three children of her own and thinks herself old at 33 years of age. The children at this home expressed gratitude for the hygiene supplies we brought yet mostly I think what they appreciate is food. In their homes and villages there is often not enough food for everyone and so they know what it is like to be hungry. Even at this home there is sometimes not quite enough. The children know well how to dig up and find things in the jungle that are good to eat. These are not people who have plenty and who don't really even notice an extra dollar. For these people absolutely every dollar goes to meet a practical need in their lives. Most of them know what life looks like without that help. They give generously of what they have, little though it may be. A statement I heard often was, "We just have a lot to talk to God about." They believe that He is a big God and that He will come through for them...because He always has, through people like Partners who get involved in practical ways in order to show the love of Christ.

   This was a similar story that I heard all over the mountains. A story of not enough, of no opportunity, of hopelessness. Yet for the people I spoke with, knowing the Lord had changed that. The Lord had brought them out of addiction, out of refugee camps, out of despair. They follow Him. They care for others often when it means sacrifice for themselves. A family of five (caring for the 33 children of this home) living off of 5,000 baht ($167) per month decided to split that income with a family of three with a baby on the way. They do this so that the other family has a chance to survive as well. They help meet needs in each other's lives.

   One boy, about 15, is a hard worker, smart, responsible kid. He takes care of others and does more than his share. His parents have told him to his face that they don't care about him. That he's not worth anything to them. This breaks his heart. Who would be strong enough to take that? Yet, he continues on with a good attitude although often in great sadness. I asked what will happen to him when he finishes high school. They said, "Oh, nothing. He has no money, his parents don't care, and he doesn't have the chance to go to school after that. He'll just go back and try to find work." They would help him if they could, but it's impossible for them. What would be so little for someone in the States would mean the world to him. It would open up the world for him. He's not the only one.

   About a month ago three boys from this home who had finished high school showed up in Chiang Mai. They came to woman I was working with and told her, "We have no money, we have nowhere to live, we have no food, and we have no idea what to do. But, we trust God, we want to help our village, we want an education. Is there anyway you can help us?" She did, because she's a generous woman who loves God and wants to be His instrument in anyway she can. She let them stay with her, she fed them, she enrolled them in school, she helped them find a home, she paid their fees. These are the first generation...she can't support them all. How will the rest survive? Who will help them?

 This is the girl's dorm. Above: inside Below: outside

 These are the children who live at the home.

 These are the three bathrooms for the 35 people.

This is their kitchen and dining room. The floor is made out of bamboo and I completely thought I was going to break it. 

   The beautiful, strong, kind caregiver of the 33 told me several times as we were preparing to go, "Don't forget us." "Please pray for us." "Please don't forget us." Somehow they know, that most of the world doesn't know their plight. They know that people who do know often go back to their comfortable homes and forget about the children here and the things they've seen. Lord, please help me never to forget. Please help my heart to always break for the hurting. Please don't let me stand by and do nothing. Please always help me to act in Your love with Your strength.

Sweet Beads

Last week, I was asked to be a translator for a short term team to a children's home. That was mostly because I happened to be the only one available and I enjoy working with kids. However it happened I'm so thankful for the chance to get to be a part of the kids lives for a eight days. We packed our bags and drove the winding road to the middle of nowhere. It also happened to be (in my opinion) the prettiest place I've ever been to. We shared three squatty potties and one bucket shower with twenty four kids and five adults. We met sweet people who have chosen to love these children and work for their freedom. We were blessed by the stories of how the Lord has been working. We were amazed by the children's hard work and skills. We were honored to get to love on them and share in their life.

Early in the week I noticed two boys that I was sure were brothers because their faces were so similar. I noticed the older boy because he had a gentle face and calm manner. He seemed different than the other older boys. It wasn't until later that it was pointed out to me that they also had the same face as one of the farmers who lived in a small shack next to the kitchen. The farmer was deaf and couldn't really communicate easily with others yet he had the same gentle and thoughtful manner as his son. The mom is nowhere to be found, I don't know what happened to her.

On the last night the girls that I had come with shared beads and string with the kids. We did a little lesson about colors and English words and then let the kids make necklaces. I watched the kids wondering how they would enjoy the activity. I thought maybe the girls would enjoy it but the boys would rush through. However, all the kids from the oldest to the youngest boys and girls all spent at least one hour creating masterpieces. They carefully chose each bead and strung them with care. Then the "mom" of the home came over and began to make a necklace with the kids. However, when I saw the sweet farmer dad come and start carefully creating his own jewelry my heart was softened. I realized that these adults who work so hard to create better futures for these kids came from backgrounds more humble than the kids. They've all had to fight to survive. It was the first time any of them had ever had beads and had the chance to make something of their very own. After a bit, the kitchen helper, who lives at the home with her three year old son, joined in the fun. At one point I caught the farmer's eye and he proudly showed me his string of beads and gave me a huge grin.

They don't have much, and what they do have they worked hard for. The kids have planted three large fields, two corn and one rice. They go to school everyday and then come home and work the fields, do homework, play sports, sing, or dance. They are full of life and energy. They really help each other. Several times the older boys would be holding the littlest boy as he slept during the evening worship time. It was beautiful to see the Lord's redeeming work in each of their lives. I pray that their futures are as bright as their smiles.

The Days

Lately I've had a line from an old song from JoDee Messina going through my head.

"These are the days you will remember for the rest of your life."

Thinking back to my students and the road we've journeyed together.

These are the days I remember:

*Drying their tears,
*Driving them to and from school because their mom was busy working and their dad couldn't be bothered,
*Buying them food because their mom was sick and had no money,
*Checking their foreheads for fever and praying with them when they were sick,
*Holding him as he cried after his dad's anger branded a red mark on his face,
*Driving him to the grocery store where his dad worked as a security guard because no one was home to let him in the house,
*Holding their hair out of their faces and rubbing their backs when they had to be sick,
*Sitting after school working on homework and work they weren't able to finish in class,
*Driving him home because he had his bicycle and it was so stormy and the roads were flooding,
*Carrying her through the rising flood water to get her back to her house,
*Taking her to get KFC for her birthday,
*Picking nits out of their hair for hours,
*Spending every spare moment of the day reviewing math facts and giving speed tests,
*Playing tag with them until my bare feet blistered,
*Visiting them in the hospital and bringing stickers,
*Playing bubble gum, bubble gum way too many times,
*Singing along with the one CD in the school van,
*Talking with their parents in the parking lot after school - reporting the good and the bad - hearing about their lives,
*Spending time with them on the weekend eating yogurt and ice cream just so they would know that someone cared,
*Talking with them about right and wrong and praying they'd make good choices,
*Standing in for their mom on Mother's Day,
*Eating lunch together,
*Sitting outside listening to your stories about wild animals,
*Reading Bible stories together...

The list of memories could go on and on.

Today I got to visit my students and it was sweet. I now have new memories of my now fourth grade boy seeing me and having his face light up and running to me to give me a hug. My precious girl proudly telling me "I no have anymore" pointing at her head and speaking about her lice. My boys asking, "Did you go help the kids yet? Are you finished?" Squeals and hugs and smiles. Their stories, speaking in English, holding my hand. How much I miss them. We've been through a lot together... ups and downs... tears and laughter... sickness and health. These kiddos hold a special place in my heart...they always will.

Hope

These children are precious, beautiful, of great value, and left alone in the world. They fight great odds. They fight a strong system, prejudice, hunger, and absolute poverty. Yet these boys are three of the lucky ones. They have a roof over their heads and food in their stomachs. They have been redeemed at least for now. They will have to go back out into the system but hopefully they will arrive there prepared. Prepared with a skill that they can use to earn money to eat, to live. The others aren't so lucky. They sort through trash to find something of value, they collect used water bottles, they beg, they sell cigarettes, they are porters, they do anything they can to survive. Many are trafficked.

Thankfully, right now they don't know how harsh their world is. Although they do know much more than most of us. They are where they are because they were abandoned, because they were orphaned, or because their families gave them up because they can't provide for them. Some of them wandered the sand bank between their home country and the country of their residence with no one to look out for them. Their stories are all very similar.

In spite of this the hope in their eyes is bright. Their smile is contagious. The one on the left repeatedly ran into my open arms just looking for someone to cuddle him. The two boys on the right were fearless. Well, in a sense. We played a game which I really shouldn't admit to seeing as it is a bit dangerous but I couldn't let these kids down. They stood on a desk and I would spin them around the room. Well, some of them wouldn't wait for me to lift them off the desk. They would jump, flail really, into my arms before I spun them. The two the right would leap without looking to see if I was ready or would catch them. One even jumped while I still had the other in my arms. Thankfully, I caught him and held them both. I think they would have climbed onto the roof if I had let them.

 The little girl in this picture was the most pitiful child I think that I've ever seen. She wailed like she was all alone in the world. The first time I heard her crying she was coming towards our little group with tears and snot all down her face. She was covered in dirt with a tattered little white dress. And she wailed. I went to her but she turned away finding comfort only the arms of the girl in the yellow dress. She joined our game, the one where they jumped off the desk. But she would stand there looking terrified of falling off and like she was about to lose her balance. Yet, when I picked her up and twirled her her smile was one of the most beautiful things I've ever seen. Each time when she would make her way onto the desk and gingerly wait her turn as soon as the spinning would begin I got the rarest smile. I've never seen so much hurt, distrust, and pain in the eyes of someone so young. The girl the yellow dress would hold the little girl and comfort her. I don't know if they were related, but she definitely has a heart of compassion.

My time there was short, too short. But the memory of them will remain. I will pray for their country, for their freedom, for their identify, for their faith, for their education, for their daily needs. I will pray that they never lose hope because that is all they really have.

May the words of the "Lady" remind you to do what you can in this fight.

                       “Please use your liberty to promote ours.”

*Currently the children are living in a home/school. They are loved there and are in much better conditions than they were previously. If you would like more information about that project please just let me know.

Rescued

(Dear Lucy and I...this picture has nothing to do with this story
except that we were there together)

Most times I think that I can live on my own, take care of myself, and that I'm fine. However, that was proved untrue today. I was driving my old roommate Lucy to get a smoothie on this super hot summer day when I suddenly saw a huge spider crawling up the by the steering wheel, right next to my leg. Anyone who knows much about me knows that I really truly dislike spiders. I'm quite afraid of them even. If they are small and I have a shoe I'm okay. However, when they are the size of a tennis ball and they are crawling ever nearer to your leg and you are in the middle of driving a hunk of metal I am not okay. All I could think was, "Get out, get out of the car before it touches you!" So I carrended towards the curb even hitting it with the front tire before I put the car in neutral and sprang out. My sweet friend was sitting there all the while going, "What, what!" Thinking that maybe the steering had gone out and I couldn't control the vehicle or that there was a fire in the engine. She was a little annoyed I think when I finally could utter the words, "Spider big spider." However, when she came around and saw the monster she understood why I freaked out. I am so thankful that we weren't driving on a major road or I probably would have crashed much worse than that.

We stood outside the car for probably about 15 minutes trying to find the wretched creature. People slowly drove by staring at the two strange girls who were staring at their parked car with all the doors wide open. Yet, typical for this neighborhood, no one stopped to see if we were okay. Lucy was brave and tried to find the thing. I, however, mostly paced around and made groaning noises. I flatly refused to get back in the car to drive the short distance remaining before we arrived at the restaurant. I told Lucy either we're both walking and leaving this car right here or you are driving and I'm walking. Now, this is especially funny since Lucy is 17 and doesn't have a driver's license. I don't mean that she doesn't have a Thai license, she doesn't have a license at all and hasn't practiced driving in 9 months. She finally agreed that she would drive as long as I was in the car with her. So I curled up in the passenger seat and focused on coaching her through driving our beast. She did an excellent job.

Once at the restaurant I relived the horror of the spider and we decided to get dinner so I would have time to calm down. I tried to determine if I knew every male that walked, rode, or drove by the window and if I could ask them to help me conquer this spider. As we walked back to the car I had to convince myself to be brave and get over the fear since we really didn't know if the spider was still in the car or not. I kept telling Lucy stare at my feet and look for the spider make sure that it isn't crawling over here. She was looking and I was trying to concentrate on driving, but I couldn't I kept looking for the spider too. After we had driven just a little ways from the restarant I saw it climbing up my door! I pulled over quickly (not hitting the curb this time) and told Lucy "I see it!" I hoped out again and Lucy came around to see. Sure enough the thing was sitting there behind the driver's seat. Then I did something quite shameful. I went back to the restaurant to ask for help from a high school freshman boy who had helped me take care of kids in the nursery at church. He walked to the car with me and took a swing at the spider with his shoe. However, the spider did his disappearing act and didn't resurface. We said thanks to the boy and let him get back to his drink at the restaurant. Then we looked at each other. We couldn't get in the car since he was still in there. We couldn't go anywhere. We couldn't get him out. We were feeling quite defeated.

Enter...our heroes. We had stopped across the street from a dorm or a children's home of some sort. There was a woman sitting on the porch watching us. She came out and asked in Thai what was happening. I told her there was a very big spider. She said, "Oh you're scared? Foreigners are always scared of spiders." I told her yes I was definitely a foreigner who was very scared of spiders. I told her where I had last seen the monster and she called to her house full of children to come and help this lady who was freaking out about a spider. So out they came, in all I think about ten kids (there were more in the house) and this one older lady. They started searching in the car, pulling out rugs, moving the seats, and then they got a broom. I think they realized that this strange foreign woman was going to stand there all night unless the issue was resolved.

The woman told me that it wouldn't bite me. I wasn't so sure. She said that foreigners are scared of spiders because spiders bite in their country, but she hasn't ever heard of a spider biting someone in Thailand. I was reminded of how all Thai people are very afraid of caterpillars. Where I come from, kids play with them all the time, but here if they touch you it is extremely painful.

So after at least ten minutes of these boys searching my car one of them spotted it! He tried to catch it with his hands but the lady didn't want him to. After a bit of a struggle between boy and spider the boy eventually flung the spider out of the car. The sweet Thai lady stomped on the creature. Even they were quite surprised at how big the spider was. After we thanked them profusely they all trotted back to their house. I was so thankful to have the problem taken care of so we could go home in peace.

Moral of the story, I cannot take care of myself when it comes to spiders. I need a handful of boys to take care of that for me. I will always be so thankful that they noticed our distress and came and helped. This morning I was reading about loving your neighbor as yourself. They definitely were a pretty good example of that.

What Now?

(My crazy 3rd and 4th grade classes from 2011-2012. I love the expressions on their faces.)

As some of you may have heard there are some changes coming my way. Life recently in fact has been so different than "normal". I've been able to see some of my sweet kiddos since school finished and they still call me teacher, but in truth I'm not. See, the Lord has shown me that right now He has some other things He wants to teach me. I'm not sure which path that is exactly, but I will follow obediently anyway. A wise woman recently told me, "The moment His specific plans for the future will change how you are living, He will reveal them to you." The Lord has been working in my heart and molding it to be what He desires. In fact I even wrote a post last October that is about obedience when you know God has called you. http://www.elenberginthailand.blogspot.com/2011/10/callobedience.html

Right now, as crazy, sudden, or thoughtless as it may seem I know that God is leading. I can't even describe how I know. I won't say that leaving my kids and the school is easy because it's not. The need is still great and I love them deeply. I won't say that leaving not knowing exactly where I'm going is easy. It stretches me far beyond my comfort zone and causes me to rely even more on God. I won't say that living without people I've come to love is easy. It is different and lonely and it broke my heart to say goodbye. But God never said, "Follow me, it's gonna be easy."

I am so thankful because I know He is faithful. I know He will provide. I know that He goes with me. I know His word is true and that He does what He says He will. I am so blessed that He has chosen me to be one of His own. I am so blessed that He allows me to be a part of His work in the world. I can truly say that sometimes I thought what He gave me here in Thailand was too hard. Sometimes I thought it was too much. Sometimes I wondered why me? But now I can clearly see that it has been one of God's sweetest blessings in my life. I can't believe He allowed me to be here, that He taught me, that He carried me, and that He changed me. I am so thankful. If I had the chance to go back to the beginning: before the tears, before the darkness, before the struggles, before the laughter, before the love, before the growth, before I knew what was waiting for me on this side of the world. If I stood at the beginning again and had to choose knowing what was in front of me I wouldn't have done anything differently.

That being said I'm just looking forward, putting one foot in front of the other, and loving God. What now? Only He knows. And I'm okay with that.

Dad We Need You

My children have an obsession with Angry Birds. So, yesterday while waiting for early dismissal for our parent teacher conferences I gave my students angry birds valentines for them to color and give to whoever they wished. I was playing a Proverbs for the Family CD which has different verses from Proverbs and then a song about that proverb. One caught my attention.

“Dad we need you, we need your care, we need you there to always help us through. To show us the way so we’ll all meet in heaven one great day. Dad we just need you. A precious thing a kid can have is a dad who is wise and true. A dad who is kind and fair and always there for you. He listens when you talk, he hears the words you didn’t say, he patches the cuts and lifts you up he is there in every way. We need your strength to keep us safe, we need your hugs and touches too, we always need your wise advice to show us what to do.”

This song struck me because I looked at my five precious 4^th grade students and I realized four of them don’t live with their dad. Then I counted out of my nine 3^rd graders four of them don’t live with their birth fathers and one’s dad isn’t always home. So out of fourteen kids nine of them don’t have solid father figures daily invested in their lives. Some of those kids do have loving dads, they just had to be sent away to go to school and therefore can’t really speak into their children’s lives since they don’t see them often. My heart breaks for these children who have to grow up without a godly father to teach them how to be strong, hard-working, and honest. They are steeped in a culture that says that men drink, smoke, use women, and are lazy. They are immersed in a culture that says being an effeminate man or even becoming a woman is more valuable than being a man.

I looked at my girls and thought about how important it is for them to have a loving dad who protects them, tells them they are beautiful, and that they have great worth. Instead it is more normal for them to have dads who force them to work, who put them in danger, who neglect them.

Later in the afternoon, during the parent teacher conferences I was talking with the dad of one of our students. This is a father who I don't know well, but who I respect for the little I do know about him. I know that he teaches his son right from wrong, he teaches him honesty and respect, and I know that his son respects him. After several minutes of talking we got into some interesting topics. He told me how he was so not happy that his son's only option was to go to a government school and that at that school his son was forced to worship Buddha. (Every government school, as far as I know, has a time of meditation in the morning). He prayed that the Lord would bring a Christian school that his son could learn about God and that he wouldn't be required to serve another god. He views our school as a direct answer to his prayers, several other parents I talked to said that as well.

Then he told me how he came to know the Lord. He said that his life consisted of drinking and smoking everyday along with other not so wholesome activities. His friend invited him to church and the pastor told them that if they wanted to change their lives they needed to pray and ask the Lord to help. So this father prayed asking the Lord to change him, that was on a Sunday. On Monday he didn't want to drink or smoke or live the way he had. His friends all asked him, "What happened? What did you do?" And he told them, "I didn't do anything, I couldn't do it on my own. The Lord changed me." Since that day he has been walking with the Lord and he desires to bring his children up in the truth. His son's Thai name means Peace. Because he has come to know the peace of God.

In watching my children I've seen the obvious gap an absent father leaves and the pain that causes. I've seen good qualities instilled in my children from a godly father. I would never wish for the former for anyone. I'm thankful that the Lord is a Heavenly Father, and I'm thankful that He redeems lives in spite of circumstances. Because of this I know there is hope for each and every student no matter their backgrounds.

This is one of my biggest prayer points for my boys, that they will grow up to be godly men, faithful husbands, and loving dads. I think that is one of the biggest keys to breaking the cycles of poverty and oppression.

What Love Sees

So, hands down one of the sweetest moments happened today at school. Behind our school in a small "shed" lives a family. Last Christmastime when the pink baby blankets started appearing on the clothesline we thought it must be a girl. Shortly after I found out that the wife had given birth to a little boy. He's over a year old now and through the past months we've interacted with him some, but since he has become mobile he now toddles over to our PE class, assembly or recess. At least once a day he's in our arms or we are making faces at him or chasing after him. He is one of the cutest babies. Now, if we put our arms out he'll toddle over to us and put his arms up.

Today, some of us English teachers were sitting at a table outside eating lunch. My roommate went to the noodle shop (where his mom works) and came back with him and a butter/milk sandwich. I was holding him and one of my 3rd grade boys came over and sat down with me. I watched as he gently talked to the baby, rubbed his back, jabbered at him, and had this look and manner that I have never seen on him before. He tried to get the baby to go to him, but he came to me instead and my student said, "He likes Miss Emily." I thought my student would lose interest quickly and go running back to his paper airplanes, but he didn't. He sat next to me and loved on our sweet little friend. After a few minutes the baby reached over and gave my student a big hug. And my sweet little boy gave him a big hug back. My student picked up the baby, who is not too much smaller than him and held him in his arms. He played with him and let him wrinkle up his paper airplane. When the bell rang and it was time for our students to line up my boy hugged the baby and gave him a sweet kiss on the cheek and then ran to line up.

I can't explain to you how precious this was. Precious because of a broken little boy who hasn't had the love of a mommy or daddy. A boy who struggles everyday to not give up, to throw his hands up and say he can't. I am amazed by the love I saw shining in his eyes and by his gentle manner which contrasts deeply with his often harsh attitude. In those minutes I saw hope and I saw the goodness of the Lord.



"Tell me your story, show me your wounds, and I'll show you what love sees when love looks at you. Hand me the pieces broken and bruised, and I'll show you what love sees when love sees you. I see what I made in your mother's womb. I see the day I fell in love with you. I see your tomorrows, nothing left to chance. I see My Father's fingerprints. I see your story, I see My name. Written on every beautiful page. You see the struggle, you see the shame. I see the reason I came. I came for your story, I came for your wounds. To show you what Love sees when I see you. When I see you."
~Mac Powell "When Love Sees You"

I know that Jesus was watching us: dirty baby boy who is growing up in a shed, broken little boy who isn't quite sure that he is loved, and weak teacher whose inadequacies glare... He saw us there around that table and He loved us the way He has since before we were born. We bear His fingerprints and I saw them today in the love in an eight year old's eyes.