Hope and a Future

The tears in her eyes remind me why.

Last week was mid-terms, I don't know why we have mid-terms in 1st Grade, but we do. She was worried. On the morning of the English mid-term as we picked up her daughter in the cold morning air she told me, "I don't know if she can do it." In my mind its a just a test in 1st grade and I knew that her daughter, while she might not get a perfect score would still do alright. In her mind it's her daughter's future, it's an indicator of whether she can rise above her circumstances. When the tests were all done and the scores all marked, I put them out of my mind.

However, last night as we entered my boss' house, who actually employs this dear mother as his wife's house helper, I saw her. I told her that her daughter did really well on the English mid-term that she scored an 80%. As I looked into her eyes I saw her tears and the words spilled out.

Words revealing that she doesn't understand English at all, that she didn't know if her daughter could do it, that she dreams for a better future for her daughter, that she tells her daughter everyday to make the most of this opportunity to listen well and work hard because she has a chance to be special, to be different.

Now I know it's more than a test, more than 1st grade to her, it's her daughter's only chance for a future. It's her dream of seeing her daughter with an education higher than her own. It's the hope that her daughter will marry a godly man who treats her well. It's the hope that her daughter won't have to work so hard just to barely make ends meet.

I tell her that her daughter listens well, asks for help, and gives it her all. She often doesn't quite know what's going on but that doesn't stop her from trying. Today as I watched her she helped some of the other kids who've been here longer and who should know more than her. But she's working hard to make her momma proud and the tears in her mother's eyes mean that she's succeeding.

The tears in her eyes remind me why. It's times like this that I remember why we're here...Hope International Schools provides hope and a future to students and families in the developing world by sharing the Gospel of Jesus Christ, providing excellent education, and breaking the cycle of poverty and oppression.

Missing the Mark

Someone once said, "I bet it'd be great to go to a church filled with missionaries." One might think that because we're all here to spread the love of Christ. I mean that's our full time job, that's the desire of our hearts, and that's our call from the Lord. Sadly, we don't always do that very well. We're busy, we're stretched, and we're tired. We daily operate in a language we don't always understand, in a culture that we often feel uncomfortable in, in a country where life doesn't go as expected. Sometimes, we let that get to us. Sometimes, we go to church and don't even speak to anyone else. Sometimes, we talk a bit with the people we know and then leave. Rarely do we open up or reach out. Isn't that awful?

We recently met some people (at said church) who have become fast friends. Such good friends in fact that we spent Christmas day with them, have gone over just to visit, shared dinner, and have taken a day trip in the short time that we've known them. What makes them different? Well, they've said that the bar (the expectations God has) for believers is set high and they claim to be much lower than that level, but in my eyes they are so much closer to that standard than myself and many other Christians I know. They live intentionally, they reach out, they share with anyone who needs some help, they listen, they love you for who you are, they don't condemn, they don't preach, all this while living in a smallish apartment with five kids, one being a brand new baby. They are one of the greatest pictures of the love of Christ I've seen in my life.

They said, "You know, when we were younger, even newly married. People adopted us. They invited us into their homes, they fed us, they loved us. And we remember how much that meant to us and we try to do that to whoever we can, whenever we can." I've been so blessed to be "adopted" into their family for the time they are here. More than that, I hope to live like they do. To have an open heart and open door policy.

Sometimes, I think it gets too easy to get caught up in our own lives and ministries. To consider the things God has blessed me with on this earth as MY time, MY money, MY energy, and MY comfort. This friend said he met a Asian man and when they discovered that they were both believers the other man gave him a big hug. Sadly, to us that might be weird. I mean how many other fellow believers have I met here and I've never done that. These two men realized how great it is to be on the same team. Really, for those of us "missionaries" over here it's crazy that we can meet, have less than mediocre small talk, and then walk away never to remember the other person's face or story. We're here for the same purpose, we face the same struggles, we fight the same attacks, and feel the same sense of loss. Why don't we band together more?

I'm sorry Lord that I daily miss the mark. I'm sorry that often I don't love like You do. I'm sorry that sometimes I don't even try to reach Your standard, that I quit before I begin. I'm sorry for those of us called by Your name who often lose sight of what You've called us to do. I'm sorry that we don't have love for each other, the kind of love that shows us to be Your disciples. I'm sorry when I care more about my worries than about listening to, helping, or loving my brothers and sisters. I'm sorry that I sit in church and then walk out to serve You without even considering the person in the seat next to me. I'm sorry, Lord when I give up the opportunity to talk with others who speak my language because I've gotten so out of practice and I'm scared. I'm sorry for the really terrible excuse for a follower of You that I often am.

Thank you for your never-ending forgiveness. Thank you that I don't have to hit the mark on my own. Thank you for your promise of help and strength. Thank you for grace. Lord, help me to love you more and love others better. May I take the time to reach out to everyone I can when I have opportunity. May others never leave my presence feeling unheard, unloved, or unwanted. Lord, help me by your strength and grace to come much closer to hitting the mark.

Romans 10:10

Because we are as grown-ups learning the importance of committing God's precious words to heart we hope to see our kids letting His words shape their hearts. Throughout this school year our kids have been learning the words that call them sinners and short of the standard of a holy God. They have learned that the punishment for that is death. Thankfully for us those aren't all the words. The next words speak of God's free gift which we could never earn or deserve. The words say that whoever calls on the wonderful name of the Lord, confesses Jesus as Lord and believes in their heart that God raised Him from the dead will recieve salvation. These words are life and truth and are spoken in Thai and English in our school and many languages across the world because they are meant for all people.
Hope you enjoy this video of two of my students reciting the most recent verse complete with hand motions. Notice the precious smile missing teeth, the fact that the word righteousness is super hard for a six year old who is just learning English and the Thai alphabet chart on the wall behind the girls.
May we all be as enthusiastic as these little ones when speaking the words of truth and hope.

Trapped by Words

I read a blog recently by a really neat lady about words. The power of words, the necessity of words, the importance of making our words ones that strengthen those who hear.



That haunts me.



Why? Because I live in a country without words. I go through my day with the ability to both give and receive very few words. The words I intake are usually hard earned and slightly misunderstood, same story with the words I give. If people understand my words it's because both of us are really making an effort to communicate.



How do you build relationships without words? How do you let people know you love them when you can't really listen and understand them and when you are not able to give words of comfort or encouragement? There are no words to describe the feeling of being trapped knowing that you cannot understand or be understood. The constant rumbling of words in your mind trying to find the right ones in the right tone to convey to the person what you would like to eat...forget about matters of real importance.



Talking about the absolute importance of building relationships with people in our community I feel so overwhelmed. I don't know how to do that without words...showing up is a good start...but it's not enough.



So, I'll keep trying to talk with the muu ping (pork on a stick) man in a field who asks where I'm going and tells me that he hasn't seen me before. I'll try to answer his questions in words he understands so that he knows I am making an effort to be friendly. And maybe... just maybe... someday they'll know. They'll know we came because our hearts ache for them, that our desire is that they know the same saving love of Christ we do, that we just want to walk through life with them on a journey to know our Savior more.

Every Moment

Standing at the end of one year and gazing into the next is always a new and exciting time. Somehow it feels like we get a fresh start...at the people we want to be, at the things we want to be our habits, at the possibility of making life go as we think it should.

As we start this new year I've been reminded again of the obvious truth of what Jesus accomplished on the cross. I confess that sometimes I have the mentality that God loves me according to what I do, how good I am, how well I follow Him, what I sacrifice. I have been convicted yet again of how arrogant and how wrong that line of thinking truly is. Standing on the threshold of a new year I'm thankful that the Lord loves me in spite of the fact that I am not who I want to be, that many of the good habits I would like to claim I cannot, and that I cannot control circumstances in my life. I'm so humbled and grateful that He has taken me as I was, as I am, and as I will be. His love doesn't waver based on my goodness, it is grounded in His everlasting and perfect goodness. He has justified me and called me righteous in His eyes...I could never earn that...never in a million years. As the years go by He slowly teaches me how to walk like my Savior. What a gift, knowing that every day of 2011, come what may, His love will be just as strong every single moment.

Why Do You Get Up in the Morning?

At about 2:00am last night in the ER I heard a question that has been rolling around in my mind ever since. It was an unlikely setting and an unexpected question. I was eavesdropping, yes eavesdropping, because when you hear something in English you can't help but listen. Besides that we were sitting in close quarters and doing anything to keep ourselves awake. I heard him ask her, a previous acquaintance of his, "What do you get up for in the morning?" In essence, what do you live for? What in your life is worth pressing on for? She didn't answer immediately and he asked, "Is it just selling your art?" And she answered with just a twinge of defensiveness, "Well, I have my teaching, I teach painting." After that the subject was dropped, but my mind dwelt on that.



What do I get up for in the morning? How would I have answered that question? Would I have said that I live to teach my students? Would I have said that I get up because I have a huge to-do list that needs conquering? Would I have said that I don't really know why I get up...it's just something I have to do? Would I have been brave enough to try to explain the true motivation behind my life...would I have been honest enough to admit that sometimes I lose sight of that truth?



Could I explain how my life was given meaning two thousand years ago when a perfect man who was the Son of God died a sinner's death upon rough wood...and that when He did that He saw me? Could I explain that although I was just as lost as everyone born into this dark world a gracious Savior redeemed my pitiful life. He clothed me in His righteousness...a gift that I could never earn or deserve. Would I have the words to say that I live to know Him...that everyday is an opportunity to walk with Him? That the life He leads me on is an adventure...one that is not always certain but is always secure. That I follow His voice and I turn when He tells me to, that my life is not my own. That I am so thankful I have a higher purpose than myself or my dreams. Would he understand that I'm a bond servant by choice to the King of the universe? That my days, hours, minutes, and seconds are for His glory.



I myself am only beginning to understand these truths and beginning to grasp the blessed fact that nothing in this life is because of my adequacy or power...all of it is by His surpassing power, by His mercy, by His strength. Which is truly good news for me.

Depraved Indifference

These are powerful words...life changing actually.